My dads got a secret Snapchat account?? Do I tell my mum
PLEASE HELP! Okay for context my Dad (step dad) is a great dad to his children, but he hasn’t always been the best husband to my mum. They have been together for about 13 years now and he has always supported her financially and is very loving when he is around but his addictive personality has caused him to do lots of shitty things over the course of their relationship. From drinking to recreational drugs my dad has used a lot of unhealthy methods to “cope” during difficult times in their relationship. In these instances he would insist he was not doing anything until he would be caught red handed and be distraught and ‘ashamed’. A few years ago I found a saved website on his phone to an online dating website, I can’t even remember what happened but eventually he must have convinced my mum it wasn’t him/wouldn’t happen again. My mums never fully trusted him but has been in a lot of shitty/abusive relationships in her life and I think she just doesn’t want to restart again at 50 years old as she has an 8 year old. The last couple of months he has started working away for work which in his defence was my mums idea not his, but I know was FIFO workers can be like. 1 month into working out there my mum received a selfie of a woman who had his phone out at a rodeo - i was convinced my mum was going to leave this time, I think she was convinced as well. But again that would mean she would have to go back to being a full time working single mum and I think after doing that for majority of her life before she met my step dad she really doesn’t want to. So I know deep down she knows he’s sus but she wants to believe him so she doesn’t have to restart. I found a suggestion come up on my Snapchat from my contacts with my dad’s contact and a fake name for the Snapchat username. Obviously this means his number has been used to create an account with a fake name - I’m not an idiot I know you need to verify your number to set up an account so I know it’s definitely him. I already had to tell my mum about the dating site and I just hate the fact that I’m the one put in this situation - my mum doesn’t have any social media and doesn’t understand how it works so unless I told her she would have no idea. I love my dad but I’m starting to resent him over the years because he’s so sneaky and he’s a really really good actor/liar. It makes it hard to trust anything he says or does anymore but I WANT to believe him because he’s been a great dad. Since having my little sister, I know they haven’t really slept together or been intimate with each other. I understand that if it’s been 8 years my dad hasn’t had any intimacy as someone with an addictive personality maybe he’s addicted to that sort of stuff as well?? 😭😭 I DON’T KNOW but all I know is I don’t know what to do or how I go about this situation. I’m meant to be moving overseas in a few months and prior to meeting my step dad I was always my mums rock, I know that if she chooses to leave him having me move away will be extremely hard for her. I think he really does love her in his own twisted way? But the lack of emotional connection and intimacy in their relationship since my sister was born I don’t know if he’s just seeking it elsewhere? He’s had every option to leave and he’s chosen to stay because he “loves our family” “can’t be without us” and “loves my mum” and I see how genuinely devastated he is when he thinks mum is going to leave. I know enough about mental health to know that 2 things can be true at once, he can want to be with her and still do things that are wrong because he has problems with addiction and impulsivity. That doesn’t change the fact that my mum doesn’t deserve it though - I just hate that he keeps doing this and I’ve been put in this uncomfortable situation AGAIN where it’s up to me to have to say something. Please help, if you think I should say something how do you think I should go about it? Ask him first and give him a chance to lie, or go straight to her?
This fake account might not sound that bad to some but because of his track record and multiple red flags it’s just hard to believe that once again this is just something innocent.
P.S my mum isn’t a silly woman, she’s left plenty of shitty relationships once she’s been disrespected. This is the longest she’s stayed in a relationship and I think it’s just because she’s exhausted - but I know this Snapchat account would probably be her last straw and she would leave - and as much as I KNOW she deserves that a part of me wonders if she would just prefer to not know and pretend everything’s fine? Ignorance is bliss sort of thing?