Is this emotional abuse
Is my dad emotionally abusive or am i overreacting? What should i do he makes me feel insane
I apologise for ths lengthy pargraph but i desperately need some advice because im stuck on what to do...
I’m 19 and I’m struggling to work out whether I’m overreacting to my dad’s behaviour. This has been an on-and-off cycle for around 5–6 years.
He can be nice and we can have a good time, but most days there is at least one hurtful comment, criticism or argument. He has called me “heartless,” “selfish,” “a nasty piece of work” and “a fucking idiot,” sometimes over quite small things like disagreeing with him or not reacting enthusiastically enough or him believing me breathing is sighing. He also shouts, swears and interrupts me / talks over me when I try to explain myself and sometimes makes comments about things to purposely annoy me. I often feel anxious and tense around him because im constantly expecting something to happen and when he gets angry he grinds his teeth, visibly shakes, shouts and if he isnt shouting he is giving me an angry look.
What confuses me is that afterwards he can act completely normal or be nice and act like nothing happened, which makes me question whether I caused the argument or whether I’m overreacting.
I’ve explained to him several times that his behaviour hurts me, and things improve for a few days before the same pattern starts again.
Yesterday he had asked me what was wrong so i calmly explained i didnt like how hed been talking to me lately, saying i was heartless, that i was nasty and after cleaning a room in his house he said i only did it for my own benefit and didnt acknowledge my good job till the next day. He didnt remember saying these things and started shouting at me and banging his hands on the steering wheel as he was driving because he said i was lying to him and eventually told me i was gaslighting him. When i tried to explain it did happen he just got more angry, and when i asked why he couldnt apologise or acknowledge that he hurt my feelings he told me i needed to grow up and be less sensitive because as my parent he should be able to criticise me. I then got emotional and he mocked me by fake crying and doing a voice. And then continued to say the only reason i was feeling hurt is because i was sensitive and cant take criticism and that he didnt need to apologise for it. The conversation ended with him saying that he says those things to me because of the way i behave and if i was not like that he wouldnt need too and that hes not going to apologise unless i apologise to him for how i treat him. Which as far as i know and everyone else says i dont do anything
Other family members have also noticed his behaviour and agree that I’m not imagining it. I’m considering seeing him less, but I feel guilty on the days he is nice because he’s my dad and I do love him but i can never properly relax when around him and when he is really angry it is threatning. Am I justified in creating some distance, or do I need to learn to let things go and forgive him?