u/juni_que

My terminally ill sister is very close to the end of her journey and, as of yesterday, her husband used his power of attorney to ban me and one of my siblings from visiting her at the hospital. This happened after my sibling informed the doctor of our sister's wish that her "EX" not visit her in the hospital because she no longer trusted him.

My sister can no longer communicate, so my sibling shared this with the doctor and elaborated on the multiple ways my BIL has abused his power. She went so far as to threaten legal action if the hospital didn't honor my sister's wishes, noting she had proof of these in writing.

When the doctor called my BIL to relay this, he lost it and imposed the ban.

Though my sibling had dominated that conversation in the hospital, I said some things to support her. But as her delivery became increasingly fueled by anger and frustration, I regretted being a part of it and backed away to a nearby corner.

My sister will be moved to hospice this weekend, and my BIL said he may consider letting us visit via his structured schedule - "if he's able to cool down."

Many in our family are mad at the sibling for taking things this far, saying it's made an already horrible situation worse.

I cried myself to sleep last night and all morning. I had planned to be at the hospital every day, to hold my sister's hand, show her love, and provide comfort. Instead, I have been cruelly robbed of this irreplaceable time by a heartless, manipulative man.

Thanks for listening.

As if losing my sister to this illness isn't enough of a nightmare, her husband is abusing his authority as Power of Attorney to make her final days even more devastating.

Four days ago, her husband/my brother-in-law (BIL) asked two of my siblings to go to the hospital to meet with my sister's doctor and her patient advocate to discuss her condition. He said he would not be present in person but would listen in by phone.

When my siblings arrived, not only was my BIL in the meeting room, he had brought BIL2, who also holds a grudge against our family. The doctor was present, but the patient my sister's advocate was a no-show.

Instead of a medical discussion, my BIL read a prepared statement that said, as POA, he was revoking our family’s access to my sister’s medical information,(including my broken-hearted mother) due to them being unfit caregivers. He accused them as having gotten too drunk and high during their shift, and that my mom has bullied him (he's 6 ft tall and weighs over 200 lbs). My sibs were utterly floored. I have been there with them when they drank and smoked and it's never gotten out of hand. My terminal sister even joined them, and to my BIL's consternation, saw that she was laughing and having a great time.

Throughout the meeting, the doctor was silent and looked uncomfortable. As soon as the statement was read, both BILs walked out. The doctor refused to comment on what had happened, so my siblings suspect that my BIL must have threatened the doctor/the hospital with some sort of lawsuit.

Our beloved sister has been pleading to go home every day but because he doesn't want to take care of her, and doesn't want us in his/their home, he has sabotaged our plans to make this happen. 

Throughout the years, my BIL has had a conflict with almost every member of our (large) family. The only reason my husband and I have had a decent relationship with him is because we've always managed up and taken the high road for my sister’s sake. But my mother and sisters have shown less restraint because they've had it, and have recently told him off (i.e. my mom saying "She's my daughter and I can visit (at their home) whenever I want!", and my sister saying "It seems like you just want her gone!") It's very clear to all of us that he is doing this out of spite. 

Before my sister's recent admission to the hospital, I stayed at their home and witnessed her and my BIL fight like cats and dogs. He baits and nags her in a condescending way until she loses it. During one intense argument, I had to intervene and tell him to back off because the fight was raising her blood pressure and could trigger a seizure. From that moment on, he placed me into the "enemy camp" along with the others.

My sister’s lucidity comes and goes, but just last week, she referred to my BIL as her "ex." She's come to realize he's more concerned about cashing in on her life insurance policy than her welfare.

We are not giving up. We have already consulted a judge who is a family friend, and are currently taking legal steps to try to have her daughter appointed as the new POA.

This entire ordeal has been horrible. My sister is the light and the heart of our family and we are heartbroken that this is taking place in her remaining days.

Thank you for listening.

And be thankful if your loved one's support group is behaving more humanely than ours.

My sister was diagnosed 2 years ago but besides one seizure, she had very few symptoms. She just had two seizures in the past month (the 2nd was very intense), and the doctor just found a 2nd, aggressive tumor. There's been a decline in her physical health (very tired, no appetite, needs help walking), but she is still quite lucid.

The doctor thinks she may only have weeks left. She told her husband she doesn't want to hear the word hospice and is insisting she go home and die there (her happy place) rather than at a hospital. They will release her from the hospital tomorrow once they are assured she has a care team in place. A hospice nurse isn't an option but we have a team of 6 - 8 family members who will do different shifts to take care of her.

I'm looking for any advice or tips on her homecare. I've read many posts in this sub about what to expect but I'd appreciate advice or tips on things like when do bedsores set in, what should she wear or sleep on if she soils the bed, etc.

TYIA