Lost my wallet twice at Whole Foods in 66 days
I genuinely can’t believe I’m writing this and I’m not even sure if this is the right place to post, but I can’t even truly explain how or why this happened to me
A while back, I had one of those experiences that makes you question whether you’re actually an intelligent adult or just three raccoons in a trench coat pretending to be one.
I went to Whole Foods to grab a few things. Nothing unusual. I checked out, loaded my groceries into the car, and placed my wallet on the front seat while I returned the shopping cart.
For reasons I still can’t explain, my brain apparently considered the errand complete the moment I put the cart away.
As I’m getting back in the car, I suddenly realized I didn’t have my wallet.
Cue immediate panic.
I ran back into Whole Foods, and of course, the cart was gone.
I ran around the store looking into people’s shopping carts and retracing my steps like a detective in a low-budget crime drama.
At one point I actually gave up, went back to my car, and considered accepting my fate. Convinced my entire life was gone: Driver’s license, debit cards, credit cards, cash, everything… I went to go look for my phone so I could cancel all my cards.. and that’s when panic set in all over again. MY PHONE. Fuck. It was in my wallet so…. I run back into Whole Foods.
I’m running around, looking in peoples carts, looking absolutely crazy and hysterical when I finally gave up again because I have cold groceries in the car and start heading towards the exit. (I’ve already alerted employees at this point who have said something overhead, are also on the lookout & will call me if someone turned it in).
As I’m about to head out, right in front of me is a man heading toward checkout with groceries on top of what looked suspiciously like my wallet.
It was my wallet.
I didn’t even hesitate. I literally snatched it so fast, gave him a dirty look and ran to my car.
But the saga wasn’t over.
During all the chaos, I somehow misplaced my car key.
Now I am standing by my car having recovered my wallet and phone only to realize I couldn’t leave because I no longer had the key to my car.
The manager, the lead on duty, and several employees helped me search for it.
Eventually an employee who had been collecting carts found my key lying on the ground somewhere.
The entire ordeal lasted about 25 to 30 minutes and took years off my life.
I told myself I had learned my lesson.
I had not.
Fast forward to today.
Same Whole Foods.
Same wallet.
Same phone inside the wallet.
I loaded my groceries into the car with my wallet still on the front seat, returned my shopping cart, got back in my car, and drove away.
Again.
Ten minutes later, I experienced the exact same realization.
“No phone.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh NO.”
I turned around immediately and drove back expecting to relive the previous nightmare screaming FUCK at the top of my lungs.
Fortunately, this time someone had turned it in to customer service instead of trying to steal it.
Ironically, I had to face the same lady & cart guy who helped me the first time. I can’t even explain the look on their faces when they realized it was me.
But thankfully, I had my wallet back.
Nothing was missing so the silver lining is that there are still genuinely kind and honest people in the world.
Needless to say, I will now be investing in a crossbody bag, a lanyard, an AirTag, and possibly a court order preventing me from setting my wallet down in the front seat ever again.