u/justaquestion3131

Our affair started 3 months ago. It started with intense sexual connection and I enjoyed it. Then I fell for him fully and I became fully invested emotionally.

These feelings are reciprocated but we handle them so differently. He is living one day at a time, meanwhile I'm constantly nagging about the what ifs and future planning. (we have so different personalities: if anyone is into MTBI personality types: I'm a INFJ and he is ESTJ)

We have been quite lucky since the start, seeing each other for many hours on average 2x a week.

However, I get major emotional lows the afternoons and the day after our time together. Feeling depressed. Going through life robotically, pretending for my kids that everything is okay, when it feels like the world is falling apart.

This feeling is usually gone by day 3. I like to think I've learnt to compartmentalize a bit.

The days when we are not together, I handle better than before. It feels like I distance myself from the whole situation.

But of course I want to meet up again as soon as possible, and then the same cycle starts.

Does anyone else have it this way? It's really exhausting mentally, feels like a fcking rollercoaster..

Our affair started 2 months ago. We did not look for an affair, but it happened and it's been amazing since. Amazing when we are together.

After a couple of weeks, I entered the limerence phase, and whenever we are not together it has been an emotional hell for me since.

We literally had the whole day for ourselves yesterday and I've been crying like a baby since we said goodbye.

Even though we will meet up again later this week.

We both have kids, small kids. My irrational limerent brain tells me I would leave my husband for him. Tear apart my family.

My rational brain knows it's been just 2 months and I should not make life altering decisions after such a short time.

Why am I on the verge of tears most of time? I'm a shell of the person I used to be. I'm less glad and carefree around my kids than I used to be. All my waking thoughts are about AP and an impossible future.

I want all of him, his life that he shares with his SO and kids and friends.

He told me he would choose me if it weren't for the kids.

My marriage is lukewarm, we are friends, we don't fight. But we grew apart and my husband doesn't even realise. I married young, had kids and I basically forgot to live. He is twice my age. I feel a kind of shame/jealousy/almost anger towards him even though I respect (I know, paradox) him for the person he is.

This affair is hurting me. I guess I want more verbal reassurance from my AP that I'm as important for him as he is for me.

I know I'm important for him. But he is extremely stoic and locking away his feelings and he only gives me breadcrumbs when he is super tired and when his guard is down.

It kills me that I'm waiting for his text the whole day and when he is unavailabe, I'm hurting. When I get a message from him, I get the dopamine rush but then his response is might not as deep as I wanted, and I'm back to feeling miserable again.

To sum it up:

I irrationally fantasize about the future together even though deepest inside I know we don't have a chance. I will probably break and crumble before we could have a chance together.

This past 8 weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. When PMS is arriving, the combination of the two is some next level hell.

I have less contact with my extended family than before, my work lags (I work for myself), overall I'm less happy than before.

Still, I don't want this affair to end.

Thank you for reading. If you have it similar as I do, please reach out to me.