Needed to get this off my chest.
Married to what I’ll consider the most confusing of narcissist. I’ve gone from is it just Asperger’s or emotional avoidance? Or covert narcissism or ‘nice guy narcissist’ if that even exists ? but I’m at the point where labels ain’t shit, do I feel safe or not.. but I’ll say he’s a covert narc, anyway we will get into it in depth another day. But I have to ask. Is yours like extremely clingy too ? And do they get weird when you experience even the slightest bit of joy outside them ?
For instance, with experiencing joy. I could be dancing and listening to music and one or two things happen or both. 1. It’s either he gets into a sunken mood and just starts acting cold. Or 2. He literally mirrors me and starts doing exactly what I was doing, listening to music and dancing too. (This happens like clock work) this also barely happens but being married to someone so insidious and the other hardships of life, music is how I release and uplift myself when needed. And I don’t do it nearly enough. The same goes for if I want to do anything outside him too, for instance. Even just going to the gym and having some structure snd control of my life. He acts up. But very carefully, very subtle My narc is very careful in his ways and tracks hence why I started this post with I’VE BEEN CONFUSED. But the consistency of these patterns has been the giveaway. This is who he is.
With regards to the clinginess, having my alone time literally feels like a crime. I remember very early in our marriage (been married for 5) I told him I need my alone time sometimes and it was a very light hearted convo, kinda like this goes without saying like who doesn’t need their space sometimes ? And now in hindsight I realise that conversation really really needed to be had. Can’t go to the toilet for a second without him literally coming there to intrude because ‘he needs to tell me something’ like I’m dealing with a toddler. It’s aloooot. Calls me every 2 minutes work break (and I’m sure in healthier dynamics that will be all lovely and cute but for me it’s suffocating)
Anyway thanks for listening/reading.