u/jyuenx

I’m so tired of everything. I still live with parents and they are making me hate them even more everyday and making me consider suiciding. I have no job, i quit my university, i am completely useless, i live like a parasite in their house. We have completely different perspectives of world, they are so religious, i am atheist etc. I was staying in a mental hospital a couple months ago, now they are threatening me to send me there again (it’s not like I’m complaining), I have BPD, social anxiety, and depression. After my time in hospital i thought they are being less rude, they just see me as sick, but yesterday dad started to swear at non-religious people when i was there and i started to feel bad but i couldn’t say anything. I decided to leave the room but then he started to yell at me, he said lots of hateful things at me, i started to cry a lot, my mother did not say anything, silently watching us. Then i left the room in tears, unluckily house has 2 floors, I’d definitely just suicided otherwise. I have no one other than family, just only a fp… I started to text him what was happening and then he just said “ok keep living” to my paragraph. Then bam dad came into my room and keep going to yell at me more, he sweared at me, told me how everyone is tired of my shit, how ill i am, how much he hates me. I was so scared that he would hurt me physically, after he left i hurted myself…, tried to choke myself. I sweared at them that they wont have to stay with me anymore because I’ll be gone soon. Everyone hates me, but all I’ve done was kindness. I don’t get it, the world is so cruel. All my friends are gone, family gone, lover gone, fp gone, everyone gone. I feel like a flower in a hell.

I am working on a game project, I’ll complete it and I’ll be moving somewhere far with the money, if i can’t get any money, yes I’ll be gone too.