u/katieyie

Kind of a weird title, but I’ll explain.

Tw for dysphoria

My girlfriend (24mtf) and I (24 cis salmacian 24 f) have been together for 5 1/2 years now. She’s my everything and we’ve been through a lot together. This includes some insecurities we’ve helped each other with. We came out to each other (as trans and lesbian respectively) around a year ago and she got on HRT a few weeks after.

We are both tall and used to dress similarly. We were able to wear each other shoes as we were the same size. She has lost some height and shoe size since starting HRT, which is actually really cool and was an unexpected side effect! I guess it kind of hurts my feelings for some reason when she says things like “I’m so glad I’m getting shorter like a girl” or “I’m so glad I don’t have such big man feet”. We also had an argument over clothes that was honestly rooted in my fear of where we live. In it she said I’m “forcing her to dress like a man” even though it was basically the same outfit I was wearing, and that took me aback a bit. I know these are things she disliked about herself and is saying about herself, but they feel like attacks towards me and hurt my feelings.

I guess it makes me feel like she sees me as a man. I have been made fun of for crap like that in the past just because of my height, so I think it’s just a sore spot for me. I’m sad about the loss of that specific connection we had. It feels gone and like I’m not really allowed to have my feelings about it because it’s her dysphoria and I understand that. It’s just hard. I’m doing my best to be supportive and keep it to myself. The argument about the clothes was the first argument we’ve had in awhile about this stuff and I just don’t know what to do. She used to make me feel like the prettiest girl ever, but now she just makes me feel like I’m doing womanhood wrong. I thought we would do it together.

Overall, I want advice on how to not take these things personally when they’re not about me. And how do I regain my own womanhood?

I am cis salmacian f 24 and my girlfriend mtf 24. I came out to my family at the beginning of this year and told them my girlfriend had come out as well. So far everyone, but my dad, has been accepting and very loving. I think my dad is trying to just, ignore it.

On to the actual issue. My brother has invited me to his birthday dinner this weekend, and usually it’s assumed that my girlfriend would’ve been invited, but it wasn’t mentioned in the text he sent me. I feel conflicted as I do want to go. I love my family and I would like to have a relationship with them if it’s possible, but I won’t tolerate my girlfriend being pushed out and if that means I can’t go to events, I can’t go to events.

I guess I’m asking how to respond to my brother on the invite? He texted “Do you want to come to (restaurant) on Saturday for my birthday? We need to know numbers for reservations.” And I’m unsure of how to tactfully ask if my girlfriend is invited, and that if she is not, I will not be attending.

Any advice on how I can navigate this would be appreciated!!