I always prefer vodka. I mix it with orange juice and sparking ice. A whole big bottle will last me 3 to 4 days. Finally, i get to drink. Its been almost 2 weeks sober. I want to forget about my situationship and just let loose. Dm me if you wanna talk. About anything!! I know i will face withdrawals after this in a couple days but i feel good now 😌 *i realize yall downvote for no apparent reason on here
I've posted here a few times months apart, so sorry about that. I just haven't found the right connection. I want to chat online for quite a bit and get to know someone normally before i meet up or anything. I have a very unique and isolated life unfortunately so it takes some time. I'm trying to improve still. I'm a las vegas local. North las vegas specifically. I'm not fake or anything :( i just take most of my pics in dressing rooms lol. I am most active on discord. I take long breaks from this app and don't even check it all the time so if there's a connection its better if we move to chatting on discord.
I only hope it can be him. I want this to be me and him so badly. There's too much distance it feels sometimes. We are close but i need to feel it more. Its all or nothing with me all the time. That mindset has given me so many unnecessary difficulties but i can't help it. I just want to let go and consume him and let him consume me. More. Always more. If he knew i said these kinds of things and had these thoughts i wonder how he would react. I don't think he would think its healthy. He maybe would even pull back but i don't know that for certain. If only he knew the extent of how obsessed i am with him and how much closer i want to get. So much more closer. I want so much more.
I screw up all the time. I am too intense. I am too much. I am too obsessive and i seem crazy. No way this guy would ever date me now. I say messed up hurtful things just for attention because i literally cannot communicate correctly and my brain is screwed up too. I can't stand nonchalant detached people. I need to know my feelings are reciprocated often. My fear was to be seen as a crazy girl and that is coming true. I need attention constantly. I am so devoted but why do i have to fight for attention. I keep thinking its time to move on and find someone else who will appreciate my time and attention but my mind keeps going back to him. I even deleted all my other posts inspired by him. But am i wasting my time and energy? My obsession can go towards someone else. But it's not so simple. Its hard to start over. Someone can say that they can be my new obsession or they can be my new limerent object. But that just is so unappealing to me. It has to come naturally. Usually towards someone unsuspecting. I need to put all my attention and energy toward someone or i'll go more insane. But also they need to give me attention and validation too. I feel so messed up. I have never felt this sick and confused in my entire life.