Discovered black mold on my ceiling, feeling very depressed
I discovered black mold on the ceiling in my closet. I feel awful and don't know what to do. The worst is i know it's my fault. My water heater has been leaking for a while now but because i didn't know what to do and because i felt like i had more important things to take care of, i didn't do much about it and always told myself i would take care of it later. Now i still have so many things to take care of other than that. Plus i also have other stuff that i should have done in my appartment that aren't done.
I can't stop crying now. It really feels awful because I had finally started doing a bit better the last few days. I had managed to sleep, eat properly, even workout. I showered without my phone which i had not been able to do in months. I did the dishes and cleaned my bathroom. I know all of this isn't incredible in any way, but i heavily struggle with mental health. I'm not diagnosed so i'm not sure what i have, but probaby at least depression, anxiety and cptsd. I barely talk to my family. I've been very neglected by them and talking to them or seeing them is very triggering. I don't get along with the rest of my family either. I also have no friends or anyone i can rely on. I don't have the money for therapy and it will take me months to take one free session.
Now i don't know what to do. I feel like whatever progress i do is never enough, and my problems only keep piling up. I see people always saying that it's okay to take life at your own pace, that being behind in life isn't a thing. But it's like life keeps showing me this is false. I've tried to focus on healing myself, on taking care of myself, but i also can't ignore real life problems. I'm so scared because my life keeps getting worse despite my efforts. I don't know what to do with my life or what to prioritise. I don't even know if i'll be able to find a job. I'm terrified of ending up homeless one day. On top of all of this i have no dreams, no goals. There's nothing that makes me feel like life is worth it. And i know that there's beautiful things in life, but i don't know if i'll ever be able to experience them. And even if i do, i don't know if i'll manage to ever be happy.