r/DadForAMinute

It can be anything, small or significant.

It’s kinda ironic considering it’s what I study lol but regarding life it makes me anxious.

So anyway, I would appreciate any advice on this. Things that worked for you and helped you feel more at peace with it. Because life is full of uncertainty. Thank you!

Hey dad, can you help me find a car I’d like ? I have a budget around 3000-5000€. And also ofc I’ve got my drivers license recently !
I love the idea of having a hearse to drive with since I need to move a lot my stuff with concerts and tour. But it’s maybe too polluting and can be not allowed in some cities…

We were just online friends through a game. He always had good advices. He was like a dad I think, I never had one. He was always there for me in my best and worst times and he’s know now for a bit over a year

I am 24M, lost my father back in 2016 when I was 14. Back then I had no idea what was happening around me. Slowly and steadily everyone left me untill it was just my mother.

Now, after 10 years of grind, I have finally got a job, build my own house. But still I feel very empty deep inside, knowing there is no one to share all this with anyone.

Everyday I struggle to understand this world and fall down. There is no one to support me and fight beside me. Every night I burst open but hide me tears from my mother.

I am still unable to cope up with the mighty loss and think I would never be able to do so.

Hello!! I three days its my(currently 15F) birthday!! Im turning 16, and for some context, my dad is in this biker club/gang, and both of my parents are very emotionally distant. I have had mental health issues, and have entirely thought I was going to make it this far. My dad texted saying he wasn't going to come home for my birthday, because there's this big event down in Texas that if he doesnt go to, he'll be kicked out of the club. The same club that's tearing our family apart, that he said and promised he would stop being so into. And my mom's going to be babysitting on my birthday and not be home, but at least shes mostly present.

Sorry for the rant, and im mainly asking if there's anything ideas I can do to convince my dad to be home more?

You died around 7pm yesterday.

I know that we didn't talk. We hadn't talked in over a year, your oldest brother called to give me the news. He's on his way up now to start making arrangements because I live across the country.

We didn't get to say goodbye, but I wonder what we would have actually had to say to each other.

You had so many cool stories, gave me my taste in music, and are where some of the best parts of my personality are from.

You weren't a great dad, or husband to mum. You never came around to accepting me and my gender (trans man), even though I think you always wanted a son, and we didn't agree on anything politically.

But this still sucks, and I'm still sorry that we couldn't figure things out. I wear your earrings and necklace every day. I'll remember you as you were, good, bad and ugly. At least you're not in pain anymore. I love you, and maybe I'll meet you on another plane someday.

(17f) this is gonna be long and somewhat ranty, but i cut off my dad back in february 2026. it had been a really long few years and honestly it felt like a long time coming, but i keep hoping that he might change one day. am i in the wrong for giving up on him?

so when i was 5, my dad got back together with his high school sweetheart. he was amazing before then, but when she came in the picture i swear everything went downhill. his high school sweetheart (now fiance)'s son sexually abused me for years. when i finally told when i was 8, his fiance called me a liar. my dad followed suit, calling me an attention seeker. he let his fiance say nasty things to me, treat me like shit, he would yell at me, etc. when her son finally admitted to what he did, his punishment was reading the bible. he ended up starting the abuse again and after i told the second time, i wasn't allowed to see him anymore. thats when shit really got hard. i ended up in the mental hospital for suicidal ideation when i was 13, my dad made false promises and said he would change. he never did. he got worse, actually. he talks to me about his problems with his fiance, money issues, taboo topics (sexual innuendos, etc), yelling at me or blaming me for his problems with his fiance, etc. he even told me he sexualizes me for the clothes i wear, said i wear shorts and belly shirts to spite him and his fiance, etc. he told me "one day i'll understand him", that he wants us to have the relationship we once did, he offers to chaperone school field trips with me, etc when all i have been begging him for is to just be my dad emotionally. to which, he asks me how to do that, as if i havent told him over and over again for years. i feel responsible for how he feels, i just want to have a dad who cares about me for once. ive found myself looking to male teachers, older guys in general, just desperate for approval. i want to be loved so bad and i feel like nothing i will ever do will be enough.

he has done much more than this, this was just a jumbled up fly-over version of events. i can go more in depth if need be. my main question is: do you think he will change? am i a bad daughter for cutting him off? should i try one last time to be enough for him? is this normal behavior from a dad? thank you for reading this and i hope you're all having a good day

My transmission decided to fully pass on life last week. I had only had the vehicle for a year and had just paid it off in full. I’m looking for advice on what reliable vehicle to invest in that won’t leave me stranded or depreciate super quickly over a few years. I have two children in car seats. I’d like budget to stay $35,000 or under.

So for context, I(F21) have a pretty bad relationship with my dad. For as long as I can remember he’s just been the worst person I know. He’s both physically and emotionally abusive and there is honestly zero chance of him ever changing. I’ve had to deal with his bullshit for my entire life and I’m so unbelievably sick of it, part of me really regrets keeping his abusive behaviour a secret as a child, but I didn’t know any better and was honestly to scared to, I also just felt a weird sense of shame about the whole thing.

My mom is finally divorcing him (after years and years of her saying she would and not following through) but honestly, with the way he acts I already know he’s gonna make this as long and drawn out as humanly possible. I think I’ve genuinely reached my limit with everything I’m just so incredibly frustrated.

In case you’re thinking “why not just move out?” there’s genuinely no way I could afford to do that as a part timer, I’m also in my final year of college so I can’t work more than a handful of hours per week.

Getting out of this house and away from him has always been something that’s felt so far away for me, because I’ve never known anything else it sometimes feels as though I’ll never really be free of him if that makes sense. I have some money saved that he doesn’t know about and I honestly think if the divorce proceedings aren’t don’t by the time I graduate, I’ll just take the risk and move out. Obviously this wouldn’t be ideal for me, it’s not that common where I’m from for people to move out at my age, especially for the working class it’s more so 25+ but I think I just need to experience feeling safe under my own roof for once. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m constantly on edge, walking on eggshells, never being able to speak my mind etc. I genuinely feel like I’ve lost so much of my self over the years I find myself starting to think about who I might’ve grown into without the constant abuse it actually makes me kind of sad.

I feel like the worst part of all this is that even when he’s gone I don’t know if that’ll fix me. Sometimes I honestly think i’m beyond fixing I just have so much baggage. I look at my peers and while I obviously understand that there’s no way for me to know what they have going on behind closed doors, they just seem so happy and normal and I don’t know if I even see that happening for myself at all. I know relationships are kinda the least of my problems right now but when I look at all my friends and their partners I feel so incredibly jealous. I have really bad avoidant attachment (which I’m pretty sure stems from my childhood) and it always gets in the way of being able to connect romantically with people, so I always either end things prematurely before I can get attached, or I convince myself that they’d eventually find something wrong with me and leave me anyway.
I also just find it hard to believe that if someone got to know the deepest parts of myself they’d still want to be with me so I end up being secretive and avoiding vulnerability in general. On the more practical side of things I would hate for someone to have to deal with all my bagage. I feel like, especially in your twenties, there’s a certain expectation that comes with relationships that I just can’t meet because of certain restrictions that are placed on me because my dad is so controlling. Bringing a guy home to meet my family? going on a short vacation? coming home past midnight? Yeah not happening. Why would anyone want to put up with me with all that? (this is just the logistical part NOT EVEN my emotional issues) and even if they did I would feel like such a burden. I know this is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things but it’s just what’s on my mind. I feel like I’m just watching my own life pass me by.

Feeling like I don’t have a voice is what fucks me up the most I think. For more context, in general my dad and I don’t speak more than a few sentences with each other anyway, but when he starts an argument we all just have to sit there and take it. Any attempt at speaking back just makes him worse, last time I did he threatened me with violence and said he’d kick me out so I don’t bother anymore. I’ve started to think about who I might’ve been if I was able to speak my mind growing up, do what I want (within reason), dress how I want, date who I want. No baggage, no attachment issues, no trauma. I try not to think about it but I just have so much resentment that I don’t know what to do with. I feel like a shell of a person sometimes, I struggle to speak up for myself, I flinch at loud noises/ raised voices and i’m generally pretty emotionally stunted. As depressing as it sounds sometimes I can’t see myself being any other way than I am right now.

Hi dad, this is my first message here. I usually don't dare to write one because I'm 23 and Idk if this is relevant. I wanted to share a bit of my story with you. I failed two times my master degrees, the first time because the harassment by my biological dad, my side job, and university were overwhelming. The second time, because I went through a deep depression because of one of my male roommates and the trauma left by my biological dad.

Now, I cannot go back to my studies, and I'm trying to find a job while studying from home. I cut all ties with my biological dad even though I still have nightmares about him and even the apartment I shared with my roommates.

I failed a lot, but do you think there's a small place for me to be proud of myself? I still feel awful for failing this year as I got send to a clinic for my "safety".

Also, I've been trying to finish a book I've started when I was a teenager, because therapy does not work for me.

Sorry, that was a long message.

Also, What's your best dad joke?

Mine is :

Why did the guy at the calender factory got fired?

.

.

.

He took a day off.

Have a great day. Love you dad!

What did you have for lunch? Anything funny to share? 🤣 Did that annoying coworker bother you again with dumb question?

I (27M)finished my PhD about two years ago and things went sideways fast: lost my first job, ended up homeless for a stretch, had to piece things together with part-time work just to stay afloat.

A few months ago I finally caught a break: landed a remote position in my field and got my own apartment downtown. I'm grateful, but honestly I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to somehow mess it up. Imposter syndrome is loud right now like I got lucky and everyone's about to figure that out.

On top of that, I just found out I wasn't included in a wedding party for a friend group I've had since college everyone else was in it, I wasn't. When I said I couldn't make it to the wedding, some of them weren't kind about it. I went to one day of the bachelor party out of obligation and just felt out of place the whole time. Turns out most of them met their partners in college or through work, and a couple even said they "pity" me for where I'm at now.

I'm 5'6", a bigger guy, currently working on losing weight, and it's hard not to feel like the friendship thing and the dating thing are both just closed doors at this point. Like everyone else already figured their 20s out and I'm the one who's behind and running out of time to catch up.

I know logically I should be proud of climbing out of homelessness into a stable job and my own place. But some nights it just feels like I'm starting over completely alone in a new city with nothing to show for the people part of life.

Dad, is there anything in all this that's actually worth being proud of? Or any perspective for a guy trying to figure out his late 20s?

Im sorry to let you and mom down. Im sorry to let everyone down. Im going through a breakup that is destroying me. Im 24 M and it’s my first ever relationship and breakup. I feel like such a failure because I loved her and I still do. The last 3 weeks I haven’t had motivation to do anything so im sorry :( I just oversleep a lot and even when I’m awake I don’t want to do anything but lay in bed.

I just feel like such a failure, I have a job working at a popular restaurant, but all my job applications for what I really wanna do are unsuccessful. My relationship with family isnt the best. Almost all my friends have moved away. The woman I love doesn’t want me and I can’t help but feel it’s my fault even though she said the breakup is not because of anything I did.

I haven’t gone to the gym since the breakup and have only been able to hang out with friends once since. I cry every single day and my overthinking about what I could’ve done different is insane. I would do anything to have her back. The days I have off from work I spend just lying in bed and crying. I don’t know what to do, im scared dad.

Im sorry for being a failure to everyone :(

I bought a house and I’m learning how to handle the various maintenance, but sometimes there are issues and I don’t know what kind of professional I should hire to help me.

The current issue is the basement. It leaks whenever there is a heavy rain. Part of the house is built into the side of a hill, so I’m not sure if the leaking is due to a drainage issue or if it’s a problem with the gutters/downspout. Or maybe it’s some other issue that I don’t know about. Is a plumber the right person to hire to come out to take a look at it?

Hi!! I'm not really sure what to say because I don't use reddit much 🥹 but I was hoping I could maybe get some encouragement, I'm turning 18 Monday, and I'm really scared to be honest, turning 18 has pretty much been what I've looked forward to my whole life, I've spent a good majority of it fantasizing about how great life would be when I'm finally an adult and I can move out and finally get away from my family, but recently it seems like every adult in my life has just been telling me how bad being an adult is, and it's not like I actually expect everything to be perfect, but still, my own sisters will tell me to enjoy life while I can because I won't enjoy being an adult, I can't really tell if they're joking, but even if they are it's not helpful, since I already struggle finding meaning in life, but I think my dad has been the worst, he's always on me about needing to find a husband and have kids even though I've told him multiple times I don't want to get married or have kids, and for whatever reason that makes him really mad, he never says anything positive about being an adult, all he ever says about it is how hard working is and how if I am depressed now it'll only get worse, I don't really remember what all he'll say but it's not helpful, and it only makes me question if I really want to keep going

I wouldn't care about what my dad says, because he's never been supportive, but having my older sisters and even some of my friends tell me that my life is basically over now (dramatic I know but that's how it makes me feel) makes me wonder if he's right, is being an adult all work and no reward? Or will I still be able to enjoy life 😓

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who responded; I appreciate any advice and support 😊

Hey Dads,

I just need someplace to vent for a moment. I’d like advice, but I fear my hands are tied.

My dad passed away when I was 12, but even before then, my parents were separated and my mom was dating this guy. We’ll call him Dave. I’m 24 now, meaning they’ve been together about 12 years, and probably engaged for 2 or 3. I fricking hate Dave, with all my heart. Before you think I’m jumping the gun, I gave this man 10 years to make a good impression on me, a growing teenager to now adult, and he’s failed in every aspect. He’s never been interested in becoming a parent to me or my siblings, and he’s frankly an absolutely terrible one to my youngest brother, who is his only biological son to my mom and himself. I always gave him a chance because I thought maybe I was too critical of this man who was now in my dad’s position, but fuck no. Dave is in his mid-thirties, emotionally immature, socially stunted, and doesn’t care about anyone other than himself and my mom.

To go over my mom very quickly, she’s neglectful, also selfish, and I’ve come to the conclusion that she was never really interested in being a mom. I don’t know why she did it, but I’ve had arguments with her about how sick I am of being her last priority, it fucked me up severely growing up, and whenever I say this, she has nothing to say. Both of them had abusive parents, I know, but I think they believe just because they’re not beating our asses every other day that they deserve a pat on the back for their parenting. Actually, Dave used to try to spank my brother, but I intervened against that very quickly, but I think Dave is still testing that from time to time.

I still live with these people, my mom, Dave, and my three younger brothers. For the longest time, I was the only person who stressed about cleaning, but when Dave told me I could earn more respect by cleaning more, I said fuck him and decided I wouldn’t kill myself cleaning after a family of 6 anymore and only worry about myself. My brothers and I are pretty closely knit, because who the hell else are we supposed to lean on.

Anyways, the one I wanted to talk about today is my youngest brother, and the way he’s being treated. I hate, hate, hate being a bystander and watching it unfold. It hurts me that I can’t do more to help him, other than occasional snappy criticisms to my mom about their parenting and disciplining methods, because lord knows my mom wouldn’t ever be open to an actual conversation unless she saw the error herself. I tried to step in and help a few months ago, after my brother threw up on himself and Dave was only home, which resulted in him snapping at me and I haven’t spoken a word to him since. Actually, I accidentally said hi to him yesterday because I answered the door and he was there, he didn’t respond, but I still hate myself for that.

Today, my youngest brother accidentally broke the chain to the ceiling fan in their bedroom, and now, as I’m currently typing, Dave is throwing a little bitch fit, breathing heavily, stomping around, and snapping at anything who looks at him wrong. I can hear him yelling at my little brother, who’s 8 with ADHD, and my mom is in there too, letting it happen. That little boy will either go down the same route I did, or he’ll definitely hate them later in life. In fact, he already says he hates Dave and it sickens me because I definitely don’t put those ideas in his head, I know how hard it can be hearing constant disagreements or opinions about people you’re supposed to be close with. I’ve heard this “man” tell this child he should beat him because that’s how he behaves. I’ve told my mom I think Dave has never once said “I love you,” to my brother, and my mom says he’s fine, or we’re a non-affectionate family and that’s how that goes.

I have so much to say to my mom, but I know the way out is to just move, but I’m not sure I have the heart to abandon my brothers here with them. My other brother is 16, and he’s my right-hand man. He comes with me most anywhere I go, I buy him clothes, food, he cleans when I clean, and he even comes with me to do laundry because our mom will go weeks or months without it. (We have to go to the laundromat). I’m a college student with a part-time job. I’m not sure there’s anything that could be done to help, but even some validation or knowing I’m being seen or heard, or I’m not crazy would help me.

i don’t really know what i’m expecting, because i do have a dad but he isn’t really comforting…