r/DadForAMinute

And I'm sitting at his hospital bed waiting for him to pass.

He's my grandfather, but the only good male role model I've had in my life, more like a father than a grandparent.

What do you wish you knew when your dad passed? I want to hear from him directly but...can't.

I officially graduated with my A.A.!!!! Im tranferring to university in the fall AND I ENDED UP GETTING ACCEPTED TO AN IVY LEAGUE!!! Brown University to be exact 😆😆

I dated a guy for awhile-some of the best and worst times I’ve had while dating. He slowly turned into someone I don’t even recognize and I tried my best to make it work, but ended in a big blow out and I feel like the sadness won’t ever stop. Please help me with some advice/motivating words/support-it’s been awhile since we actually talked.
I feel like my chest hurts and it won’t stop. I can’t stop crying. I need some guidance please.

moved out here alone to work at a clinic and i live with a really strict aunt who controls everything i do. i spent the whole day putting on a fake smile for everyone but honestly inside i just feel so small and suffocated by all this pressure. i try so hard to be a good girl and do everything right but nobody here actually cares or checks up on me. i just really need some dad advice on how to keep going when you feel completely alone in a flashy city

Today my dad found out I lied about my finances and how much money I actually had saved. He saw the Steam purchases, AI subscriptions, random spending, all of it. Things exploded badly at home and now I’m dealing with the fallout.

I have been a crying wreck for the last 45 minutes. The biggest thing that broke me emotionally was my dad basically saying university only happens now if there is a complete “sea change” starting from this moment onward. Otherwise it’s a fourth AmeriCorps year and possibly being sent to India to live with family. Hearing that absolutely shattered me.
Part of me feels crushed and ashamed because honestly, some of the criticism is deserved. Another part of me feels emotionally wrecked by how hard everything hit at once.

I think the biggest realization today is that credit cards + subscriptions + stress completely destroyed my sense of limits. Back when I only used cash, once it was gone, it was gone. With cards, every $2–$10 purchase felt invisible until suddenly it wasn’t.
I’ve already started cancelling subscriptions, refunding games I realistically don’t use, and trying to stop the bleeding financially.

I’m not looking for “your dad is evil” comments. I just genuinely need perspective from people who’ve had trust explode with parents over money and had to rebuild from there.

Basically what the title says. Im 17 f. The weekend that ended, my dad told everyone that my step brother is visiting over in this area with his baby. He asked if we want to come over to his house to see the baby. I said no cause I have homework.

(Its mostly cause my step brother touched me when I was younger and I still remember it im not going in detail)

He took it as a offense and days later which is today he exploded on me. He got even more mad cause today I been extremely tired to the point i couldnt stand and once I got home my vision blurred. So I went to sleep. My phone is on silent due to being in class with my phone. 4 hours later theres few missed calls from my dad who is accusing me a bunch of shit.

He stated that I have a attitude during the weekend and want to "check in" with me (thats his horribly covered veiled way of saying hes going to tear you down cause you didnt smile at him or agreed to a thing he wanted to do)

He knows I have suicidal thoughts and depression he doesnt care.

Throughout the call it consist of him interrogating me asking me if I hate my step brother asking me "oh do you hate him now? Hes your brother" hes not fucking related to me but okay.

This type of actions hes doing which he had been doing my whole life is him Attacking anyone who shows disinterested in my step brother. This the reason why I never told him the times I was touched he doesnt deserve that info when hes being a abusive asshole like today.

He then proceed to ask me why am I so tired all the time in a exaggerated voice and start tearing me apart by being tired. Not realizing I have exams this entire fucking month with no rest i told him that. I worked my ass off in physics to not fail anymore and I brought my grade up finally.

The last thing I need is somebody trying to make me feel bad for not wanting to see someone,no is a full sentence I shouldnt have to explain myself on why I dont wanna see this grown fucking man and his baby.

Im passing all my classes with A's and have one C in physics.

He gave me a uncomfortable text telling me i should smile and that he "loves" me i knew from a mile away that is a manipulative tactic and I knew hes gonna call me to somehow accused me of giving him a attitude all I said WAS NO!!

My step brother is exempt from any disrespect apparently I get to be harmed except my step brother idc if my dad or mom doesnt know he touched me i was 5 I was scared and seeing how my parents treat me and how my dad especially treats my step brother i know I dont stand a chance.

They can keep claiming they love me when its only them trying to convince themselves theyre good parents while actively ignoring how theyre hurting me. Again he knows I been bullied and asked if I WAS the one who provoke my bullies. are we fucking serious.

I recently stepped back from a friendship with someone I’ve known for nearly 20 years. Over time, the friendship had started to feel completely one-sided. I was always the one initiating, always the one checking in, always the one offering to show up.

She’s been going through a genuinely difficult time, and I had real empathy for that. But every time I suggested meeting up or even just coming over with food, I would get ghosted or left hanging.
Eventually, I told her honestly how much it had been affecting me. What hurt most wasn’t even the distance itself, but that the response felt defensive rather than curious. There wasn’t much acknowledgment of my hurt, mostly explanations for hers.

And the complicated part is: I believe her. I know she’s struggling. I still love her deeply. But I also had to acknowledge that I was hurting too.

It still stings. Nearly 20 years is a long time to quietly close a door on.

Was talking to this girl for the past month both in our early twenties and we were going good. Then outve no where one night I had brought something up that I really wasn’t fucking with. I guess I brought it up on in the wrong way and it bothered her. So she did end up ghosting a bit then she told me she wasn’t ready for anything right now. but we still talk and stuff.

What I said was I didn’t want her to go out anymore and that if she couldn’t stop it was gonna become an issue. I honestly brought it up the wrong way cause i don’t care that she goes out it was just the consistency of it like 4 days outve the week every week.

Recently she sent this message:

“To address the rest cuz I’m sure you want to know where I stand at, I’m still firm when it comes to trying for a relationship, this experience showed me that I’m not really ready for a relationship and that I still need to keep working on me and figure out what I really want. And no shade but you need to aswell I feel like you’re in the right direction but you still need to do some healing and not be too hard on yourself sometimes. I still care about you and I’m here if you need anything. I’m not saying wait for me, I still want you to live your life but maybe in the future si se dan las cosas otra vez to where I’m fully ready and healed and so are you and you’re single still then I would like to try one more time.”

Yesterday she said she didn’t wanna lose the connection/still wanted me part of her life/ wasn’t cutting things off completely that we could also continue to hang out and talk but that she need time to herself. Y’all think she’s completely done? Or like there’s still a chance stuff could develop?

I've been having trouble putting into words how this feels! It's almost like I'm driving off the map my dad left for me.

I was 9 when he died, and I'll be his last age at 31 in a few weeks. (He struck me as so adult back then! But I still feel like a confused kid at this age. I wonder how much he felt the same way.)

It's been tough to grow up without him around. Now this upcoming birthday feels like a strange threshold that I'm really uneasy about crossing. How can I be allowed to outgrow him? It doesn't feel right.

I know no one can tell me what my actual dad might say. But if any dads out there are willing to indulge me in a hypothetical exercise...

What would you tell your kid if he were in this situation, and you could reach out and give him some advice to take forward as he tries to navigate on his own? How can he honor you on this weird milestone birthday? And how can he make sure he does you proud in life?

I’m 22 just recently moved in with my partner and relocated to a different city and I do not have a job. I have never worked a retail job or any basic customer service jobs but because those are more likely to get accepted than a hyper specific job that’s what I’m looking for until I can get my roots down and get a better paying job. My problem is that all of the work experience that I have is in a very specific field, for example, lifeguarding, swim instruction, private home care for people with disabilities. None of these things are very good at qualifying for retail experience. I’m struggling with knowing what to put on my résumé and what to leave out. Is there some sort of forum or column that I can find advice for this kind of stuff?

Hello all. 20m here.

I spent a good 3 years of my life making post after post dragging on the same problems because the validation from other people felt nice, but in the end it was just reassurance seeking. I’m really sorry if I’ve come across as ungrateful as I know it seems like I’m never getting better. I’m sorry if I’ve become a recognisable person from my username alone. From now on, if I post I want to be sharing a win, or a specific problem.

This is sort of both?

In November of last year I was diagnosed with Atrial Fibrillation. I’m only 20 and if you don’t know what it is, it means my heart sometimes beats very out of rhythm very quickly. A bit like a squirrel in my chest. I’ve had 2 major episodes that have landed me in hospital and a couple very short ones.

It’s been isolating because it is overwhelmingly a condition of old age. It’s so rare in people my age that even at age 50 it’s considered very young.

It’s also difficult because I have to be my own advocate and often have to explain to doctors that no, I’m not stupid, I genuinely do have this condition. I’ve been questioned multiple times by doctors and have to say ‘No, I really do have afib!’. It mainly sucks because it feels isolating when even the doctors don’t understand you.

Either way, I’m having heart surgery in about a month or so. I find out the exact date on Friday. They’re basically gonna go in using catheters and map out the electrical structure of my heart, then depending on what they find they will scar the faulty part.

It’s not a cure but a treatment. I’m in a favorable group because I’m young and aside from the afib my heart is structurally fine. I’m also having this treatment done in London with a leading researcher of the condition!! He’s one of the people that actually brought the surgery to the uk back in the 80s.

I’ve never had surgery before so I’m feeling quite frightened. I also don’t really have a stable relationship with family to lean on, and I don’t have many friends. I worry that I will struggle emotionally with it all and feel really alone like I do now.

On the plus side I feel like I’m a stronger person than I thought I was. I’ve dealt with this life altering diagnosis and still kept going which I’m proud of.

Dad,

I'm going on a date on Saturday with someone and I am so excited. I met this man on Hiki's dating app and I hope it goes well for me. I have a dress and things ready to go.

My dad was a peace of shit. I’ve (28F) known that for so long now. And over time it just kept getting more and more obvious. Fucking sucks ass. It feels like a wound that will never truly heal. He’d never listen when I shared my needs or wants or things I was hurt by. I got mocked or humiliated or gaslight or yelled at. Often multiple at the same time.

For a long time. I sorta just took it? Earlier I didn’t even realize that he was abusive. And I think over time I said fuck it “he’s never gonna get physical. His threats and attacks are meaningless and blatantly and obviously stupid. I don’t need to listen to shit”. And I think around that time I learned how to yell. My mom was scared of him and made excuses for him. So I was the only “adult in the house”.

Unfortunately I learned that to survive I either have to hide everything to be safe. Or be willing to yell and fight and be ready to always get the first word in. I’ve known it’s bad that for a few years now. But after a big fight I had with my partner and then a couple of heavy therapy sessions? It’s hitting me like a tonne of bricks. And I’m deeply embarrassed. I treated my partner the same way I would have handled my dad. I treated him like a threat or someone who wouldn’t take me seriously unless I fought.

And that’s been weighing on me heavy. Not the contents of the fight. Not what it escalated to. Just how it started and what my role was in it. And how deeply it must have scared and worried him. He was worried about me and scared for and off me. I fucking hate knowing that. I want to give myself some grace cause it was a learned behavior that I’ve been working on. But I still fucking hate it. For a while my coping strategy was to go AWOL and hide from the situation and people so I could let the rage take the wheel until it dissipated and I got some closure and meaningful emotional processing done.

But it’s so fucking difficult or different now. When I lived alone no one saw my day to day. So it was fine. Or relatively fine. I thought “as long as I don’t yell and if I hide? I’m doing good”. But when you live with someone you care deeply about? Who cares about you deeply? Where there’s interdependence? The rules feel different as I’m coming to terms with. What he saw was “a person I care about? She’s looked angry/on edge consistently. She’s been shutting down emotionally. She’s talked about being done with therapy; even though she’s always told e how grateful she is to have such a wonderful therapist.” And yeah. It didn’t matter; I’m now realizing; whether or not I yelled. I feel like I need to work more on my coping mechanisms so I’m not just white knuckling. It’s not fun for me. And after this blowup (first one in a couple of years. First one since I’ve known him). Im realizing I have stuff to work on. I can’t just white knuckle it on a wing and a prayer. I don’t want my loved ones to feel this way. Fight aside, I don’t like feeling that angry and scared.

I talked to my therapist about it. She said the reflection is good. The fact that I’ve already worked on identifying better safety plans is great. My psychiatrist put me on an additional medication to use as needed when I get very agitated. I’ve looked and new skills to handle the stress. The biggest one is: unclench jaw, slow deep breathing, name things you see and hear and can smell. And radical acceptance “I survived abuse as a scared little child. I am gonna trust myself to handle this”

idk I guess I wanted to talk to a “real” dad. An actual grown up. Not a manchild with anger issues. I grew up learning that anger and/or manipulation were the only ways to communicate. And I’m trying so hard to unlearn that. I hate realizing how much it affects both me and the people around me.

Hey dad!

I’m going home on Friday. I am going to check out a school I got into for my msw.

I asked my ma and three sisters to come, but everyone was busy. I know I shouldn’t care or take it personally, but I need to learn to be happy with myself and my choices.

I’m 19 (f) and i miss my horrible dad. I haven’t spoken to him in six years, he abused me and my mother verbally/mentally and emotionally for years, and yet i still miss him. It feels like i’m grieving someone who’s still alive, he had all the opportunities and abilities to be a good dad, and while he was awful there were a few good years with him. I was always his “little helper” and we’d go on fishing trips almost every weekend, and he’d always get me “bug juice” and powdered donuts from the gas station and that was our thing. We’d bond over music and his music taste shaped mine for the rest of my life, it’s so hard to have the presence of someone who was apart of your conception and birth just suddenly be removed from your home in the blink of an eye because drugs were more important than his family. All the therapy i’ve had for my childhood trauma regarding him has helped but even still i miss him, because i romanticize the good parts of him and while i try to remind myself of how he treated me and my mother, i still wish i could talk to him at least one more time. I wish i could’ve told him I loved him before cutting him off, I wish I could’ve seen him thrive after he moved out and I wish he could’ve succeeded outside of our home instead of letting his life crash and burn around him. It’s not fair. I wish my dad was normal. I’ll never have the full experience of what a father is, I’ll never hear him tell me he’s proud of where I’m at and who I’ve become, I’ll never hear him say he’s proud of me for my work promotion as a manager and the raise i’ve gotten since, I’ll never hear him tell me he’s proud of me moving out soon. None of this is fair.

So I (27F) met this guy (56M) in a game around January, we started talking in February.

He is really kind, patient, caring, very open with his emotions and feelings for me. Since near the beginning he said he felt a connection to me. I didn’t really understand why because he hardly knew me. He said he admires my kindness, how I’m always looking out for my teammates in game. He believes in soulmates, senses auras and spirits, so I assumed he feels things differently on another level.

He told me he loves me, wants to be with me, thinks I’m his soulmate. I can’t because of my faith and he accepted that even though he still messaged me now and then when I said I couldn’t be friends. But after a while he said he wanted to convert, that he believes too. I asked if he would still believe if I didn’t choose to be with him in the end, and he said yes.

He is really sweet, caring, doesn’t get mad, understanding, accepting, wants to support me in all of my problems and I like that, I never had that before, but it’s hard for me to know what I feel when I never met him.

I’ve never been with anyone before so I don’t know if this is healthy, if his love is real. I’m afraid of being hurt and I don’t have the experience or healthy male role models to look to.

Dear Internet Mom/Dad,

So I'm in a bit of a situation. I'm 24, and I was in a FWB situation with one of my coworkers, Dale. He's 55. It's been going on for a few months, and we decided we wanted to make it official. It wasn't our plan but we found we had real feelings for each other. I am going to be meeting his daughters this weekend, which is already scaring me a little but I realized this morning that he is going to meet MY parents. I have no idea how this is going to go with my parents. My dad is...difficult to deal with sometimes. I don't know the word in English but, he treats me like an adult but doesn't? I don't want to hide him, but I don't want there to be an issue either. Any parent advice is GREATLY appreciated.

Hi Dad, I know this is cliche but my Dad never taught me how to shave. I currently shave with a dry shaver but I always wanted to wet shave. I'm scared of cutting my skin like a potato peeler. So if you could like teach or explain to me how to shave, it would mean the world to me.

Thanks Dad. I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day.

Hey pops, really trying to go through life figuring out stuff on my own but sometimes I just have no luck and wish I could ask you. Case in point, I can’t weed whack for shit.

I’m re-tying the string every 90 seconds because it flys out regardless if I have it locked into that little notch (and yes it’s in the correct direction). And when it stays, I’m destroying my fence because I can’t get the long grass in between the wood slats.

I honestly feel like an idiot and that all my neighbours must be watching and judging. Wish you could come by and give me a tutorial. Any ideas on what I could do? Thank you dad.