u/Weak_Refrigerator_19

I recently got a job as an extra for a Netflix show. I had a fitting last week and was so unbelievably shocked when I basically had to change in front of everyone?? granted the only people around at this point were two costume designers, 4-5 assistants and 3 other extras who were also there for their fittings. Thankfully I was wearing a cami top underneath my shirt and they didn’t make me change my pants so it ended up being fine but I don’t think the other girls there were so lucky…

Is this normal? before going I did my research on what to expect and pretty much everyone said they were given privacy during fittings. It’s also my first time doing work like this and I just assumed at the very least we’d have changing rooms or a curtain or SOMETHING??

For context i’ve(19) had a crush on this guy (21) for a couple of months now, we have similar interests and the same sense of humour as well. We have mutual friends, so I see him from time to time but not very frequently. We DO however interact online a lot. He added me to his close friends story on insta, likes my insta stories and replies to my tweets.

Recently he’s started sending me reels on insta and we’ve had some back and forth before the conversation eventually ends up dying (which hasn’t bothered me really because I enjoy any interaction with him, even if it’s short). Last time he sent me a funny video was a few days ago, in my attempt to be funny I kinda replied with something that I think landed awkwardly and he just liked the message without saying anything else. I of course ended up panicking, it didn’t help that he hasn’t been liking my stories recently either, but he still likes my tweets and stuff so I didn’t think anything was wrong? Sent him something stupid I thought he would’ve found funny and he just liked it and didn’t reply. I genuinely feel sooooo dumb and clearly have just read into these interactions too much. I’m just embarrassed that I built everything up so much for it to literally be nothing. At the very least i’m glad I didn’t tell any of my friends about this because that would’ve been extra humiliating.

This is super trivial and chronically online but I need some outside perspective. For context, I’ve (F20) had a crush on this guy (M22) for a few months now, we have mutual friends and we have the same interests as well. I don’t really see him often mostly at parties or group gatherings, but our friend group has a small community on twitter that both of us are active on so we interact on there a lot. I haven’t really actively been pursuing him because I had an inkling (which ended up being right) that he had a thing with one of the other girls in our friend group which I just found out yesterday fizzled out.

Recently, he’s been sending me reels on insta and it’s caught me completely off guard sometimes he’ll like and reply to my stories (he added me to his close friends story, so I added him to mine) and vice versa, but we’ve never really gotten to the “sending each other reels” stage. I can’t tell if he’s just being friendly and i’m reading too much into things, so I usually just like the message and we have a bit of back and forth before the convo ends.

Earlier today he sent me this funny reel on insta, about guy giving this girl flowers, and she instantly throws the flowers on the ground rejecting him and he just sent it with a couple crying emojis. Instead of taking the opportunity to reply with something flirtatious my dumbass said “NAHHH” and sent him that stupid “my brothers just another me” spongebob reaction image. He just liked my message and now im worried that I’ve accidentally made it seem like that’s how i’d react to him, or that the part I found relatable was the girl completely rejecting the guy, when in fact I was trying to imply that I have zero game…

I don’t even know if this guy even likes me or not so I could genuinely just be reading too much into everything, but if he did he definitely doesn’t now😭.
WHAT DO I DO??

I know the title of this sounds dramatic but that’s literally what it feels like. For context, My dad and I have a pretty poor relationship and it’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Most of what I can remember from my childhood includes him being extremely abusive toward me and my siblings (physically and emotionally) and also just generally being horrible to be around. He’s incredibly self centred, narcissistic and bigoted whilst somehow simultaneously acting like everything he does is for the good of the family.

For example, some of the crazy shit he’s done includes:
- Guilt tripping me and my siblings about basic needs he provided growing up (food, shelter etc),
- One time he hung his clothes outside to dry and it started to rain (I didn’t know his clothes were outside) so when he came back from work I tried to explain, and he basically just started to yell at me and berate me for talking back and threatened to beat me and kick me out (I was around 17 when this happened)
- Whenever my oldest brother would do something my dad didn’t like, he’d beat him with a wire, a belt or a hanger and whenever my Mum would try to intervene he’d say she shouldn’t interrupt him when he’s “disciplining his son”
- He’s horrible to my Mum, doesn’t let her have friends (she was a plus one to a wedding with one of her friends a couple years back and he turned up to the reception unannounced just to tell her off, a while after this I found an airtag in her car which he claimed he knew nothing about)

This is just what I can remember off the top of my head and it’s not even the worst of what he’s done.

In case it wasn’t obvious I absolutely despise this man. I have had zero interest in maintaining any form of relationship genuinely for as long as I can remember. If not for the fact that I still live with the fucker, he’d be out of my life for good. When I was a kid I remember whenever he’d do something fucked up, he’d promise to change (but funnily enough still try to justify it in some messed up way) and I always knew better than to believe him, especially since the empty promises would only come after my Mum would threaten to leave him and the cycle would just repeat again and again.

I’m currently 21, I’m about to start my final year of college and you’d think i’d be happy to be off for the Summer but i’m genuinely just miserable. Even when he hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong I’m just so angry all of the time and it’s really fucking me up. Whenever I try to do something for my own enjoyment like hang out with my friends or date or literally anything, all I can think about is how much he’s fucked me up or about how he’s somehow going to ruin my happiness.

Whenever I leave the house he calls me nonstop and when ignore his calls or don’t answer I have to deal with him yelling abuse at me when I get back. He treats me like a child and I feel like I have zero agency. I’ve been trying to get a job this Summer to at least have something to do and have some independence but nowhere will hire me. So because of this he expects me to spend all day everyday cooking and cleaning because i’m a woman. (When my brother was unemployed he’d never tell him off for not doing housework but when i’d come home from college he’d make me clean and cook etc) Obviously, I’m aware that if I can’t contribute anything in terms of money it’s fair enough that I at least cook and clean but it’s every single day paired with non stop criticism on top of that. (E.g if I cook something he’ll complain about how i’ve seasoned it or tell me I didn’t cook it right or, if I spend all day vacuuming the house he’ll find the most minuscule thing to complain about what i’ve missed or how i’ve done it). Me and my siblings have all had it pretty tough but I think myself and my oldest brother have genuinely gotten the most of it (him because he’s the oldest and me because i’m the only girl).

I know it sounds irrational but he genuinely makes me not want to leave the house. I get worried about going out and somehow running into him even when I know he’s at work, or I panic when I think about the fact that I know he’ll spam call me once he realises i’m not home. It’s making me distance myself from my friends and not even bother attempting anything romantic because how would I even begin to explain my family dynamic? I feel like i’m losing so much of myself because of him I spend everyday making myself smaller in order to “keep the peace” just for him to act insane anyway. I don’t even know what the point is anymore. I don’t even know who I am without all of this anger and resentment. I’ve literally lost friends because they’ve told me that they don’t think i’m able to be vulnerable or emotionally open with them, which I think stems from when he’d beat me and say that if I told anyone child protective services would take us away and it’d be all my fault etc etc.
My Mum is finally attempting to divorce him but I’ve gotten my hopes up so many times that it’s not even of any comfort to me anymore. I’m just so sick of being told to wait for things to get better and then absolutely nothing changing. The worst part is, is that even if she manages to get everything sorted out and sell the house and all that, I don’t even know that it would fix things for me. As much as I despise him i’m scared he won’t let me go. He’s never been the type of person to let things go to be honest and I really can’t see him accepting the fact that we’re happy without him and that scares the shit out of me.

I don’t really know what i’m hoping for in the replies of this but I really needed to get this off my chest. Also before anyone says “why don’t you just move out you’re 21?” It’s not really common for people to move out at this age where I’m from unless you’re from outside the capital, mainly because it’s unaffordable so please don’t think i’m just not trying. On top of that I’m a full time college student so I wouldn’t be able to earn enough to fully suppprt myself while also going to college at the same time. (I really cannot stress enough how uncommon it is for college students to move out of the family home where i’m from. College accommodations are mainly used by wealthy students, foreign students or students from outside the city). I guess i’m hoping to hear from people that have dealt with something similar? I don’t really know.