u/Economy_Apricot_3742

I (27M)finished my PhD about two years ago and things went sideways fast: lost my first job, ended up homeless for a stretch, had to piece things together with part-time work just to stay afloat.

A few months ago I finally caught a break: landed a remote position in my field and got my own apartment downtown. I'm grateful, but honestly I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to somehow mess it up. Imposter syndrome is loud right now like I got lucky and everyone's about to figure that out.

On top of that, I just found out I wasn't included in a wedding party for a friend group I've had since college everyone else was in it, I wasn't. When I said I couldn't make it to the wedding, some of them weren't kind about it. I went to one day of the bachelor party out of obligation and just felt out of place the whole time. Turns out most of them met their partners in college or through work, and a couple even said they "pity" me for where I'm at now.

I'm 5'6", a bigger guy, currently working on losing weight, and it's hard not to feel like the friendship thing and the dating thing are both just closed doors at this point. Like everyone else already figured their 20s out and I'm the one who's behind and running out of time to catch up.

I know logically I should be proud of climbing out of homelessness into a stable job and my own place. But some nights it just feels like I'm starting over completely alone in a new city with nothing to show for the people part of life.

Dad, is there anything in all this that's actually worth being proud of? Or any perspective for a guy trying to figure out his late 20s?

Hey Dad hoping to get some perspective from those of you further along in your careers.

I(27M) started a new remote job after a rough patch before this with homelessness ,unemployment, a hard stretch finding the right fit. Finally landed something solid, and I actually care about doing well here. Even got my own apartment

The problem: small, ambiguous things at work now send me into a spiral. Get moved off a task, don't get explicit praise, a manager takes the lead on something instead of me, and my head goes straight to worst case, like I'm about to lose this too. Even when nothing's actually wrong. Recently lost a whole evening stressing over one vague email, then had a totally normal conversation the next day that confirmed everything was fine.

I start crying after work sometimes when I ask my manager if anything else to jump in cause not many projects and tells me they will let me know.

I think it's leftover from the rough stretch before this job like part of me is still braced for the floor to drop out.

For those of you who've been in the workforce a long time: how did you learn to not read into every little ambiguous thing? Does this actually get better with experience, or is there something specific you'd tell a younger guy to do differently?

I(27M) had a rough few years went from nothing no job, homeless to a great job with great opportunties a lovely apartment downtown and a warm bed.

I have a lot of handicaps like brown skin color, being 5'6, not making six figures, and being overweight.

But I am going to therapy, dieting, lifting, Crossfit, doing public speaking courses, trying to join improv etc.

There's this girl (23F) Mia we live in same apartment. She introduced herself to me on the day I moved in. We have ran into each other on elevator atleast 30 times lol in 2 weeks since move in. We always talk for atleast 10 min after.

I am not very experienced with dating and women.

She texted me to come join her at the pool today I had work (remote) but told her some other time. She told she's usually pretty free in evenings to hang out.

I got excited and told my friends and they told me that taller women never want a shorter guy unless he's rich or had a ton of partners I am completely inexperienced and not rich right now.

They said women will never respect guy shorter and will always leave for taller guy.

Keep in mind Mia is tan, 5'9, decently fit and has the most amazing eyes. I am 5'6 stocky and overweight but working on it with eyes.

I just wanna hear if any couples exist where woman taller than guy and was there mutual respect? was there intimacy? or this is a movie thing only/

Thinking of joining a beginner improv class we even do a play at end of the year. Always been interested in this stuff.

I am hoping to make friends in a new city don't know anyone. I am late 20s M. I know that its not probable but did anyone make any good connections during Improv class like friends outside of it?

Do any people in their 20s 30s do improv?

I (29 M) have been part of a friend group for years, close with all of them, including one guy I'll call C (29M), who I considered one of my closest friends. We've been through a lot together over the years.

C got engaged and started planning his wedding. Groomsmen were picked, and I wasn't one of them. No explanation given, no conversation about it, I just noticed the group forming and I wasn't in it. Other guys in the friend group (late 20s, same age range as us) were included.

I didn't say anything at first. Figured maybe there was a reason, or it'd get addressed. It never was. I ended up declining the bachelor party and, eventually, the wedding itself (next week). I didn't make it a dramatic exit, just said I couldn't make it, kept it low-key, no accusations.

Honestly, if I just wasn't picked, I could understand that it's a wedding, not everyone makes the cut. But never even bringing it up, after knowing someone for a decade, really hurt.

Looking back, I don't think this was really sudden it was more the final data point in a pattern I'd been ignoring. This group hasn't remembered my birthday in years at this point. They also used to joke about me applying for a handicap placard, because I've struggled with dating and hadn't had much experience with it a joke that always stung more than I let on. Little things like that added up over time, but the wedding was the one I couldn't really explain away.

A few people in the group have noticed and asked if everything's okay, and I've kept it vague rather than getting into the wedding thing directly.

One person in the group (29M) actually told me guys who "can't get laid" don't end up in wedding parties and I should've known that going in.

Some people I've mentioned this to think I overreacted that groomsmen picks aren't a referendum on friendship, and I should've just asked C directly instead of quietly stepping back. Others think it's a reasonable reaction to feeling deprioritized without any acknowledgment.

Did I handle this the right way, or should I have said something directly instead of just distancing myself?

TL;DR: Wasn't picked as a groomsman for a close friend's wedding after a decade of friendship, with no explanation ever given. It was the last straw in a pattern of being deprioritized (forgotten birthdays, jokes about my lack of dating experience). I quietly distanced myself from the group instead of confronting it directly wondering if that was the right call or if I should've said something.

Hey everyone, I know I maybe a lost cause but please be kind and any advice.

Guys like me aren't made to make it in life, and at a point last year didn't think I was going to. After graduating from grad school 2 years ago faced unemployment, depression, weight gain, and even homelessness. I am a 27M 5'6 fat virgin.

I don't even know how: Now I have a remote job I love with actually great career advancement opportunities. I started putting work into my health. I lost 15lbs in last 5 weeks. I go to the gym and a nutrition coahc.I go to therapy; I am taking public speaking courses.

I even got my first really nice apartment since graduation. There are so many people my own age and it's so fun to be in a nice place. I am blessed.

I told some friends from college about how excited I am to meet new people and even date. They told me meeting new friends after college only happens at work(I work remote so don't really have proximity to coworkers). And as for dating being 5'6 and fat I get 0 matches on dating apps- as we all know women only will even talk to a guy if fit or has a bunch of girls on the side cause that means he's good at sex. And I am working towards being fit because I understand women don't want to even get to know a guy if not fit(personality doesn't matter till hot).

I did tell my friends tho that excited about socializing. My friend's wife told me if I try to date she won't talk to me again and will not let him either. They both know I am older virgin and says how can I even think about wanting to date if inexperienced and how much I can harm a woman's psyche as an inexperienced man. She told me I'd be no better than someone who assaults women.

She told me I had chances like everyone else to get plenty of partners and date and find someone in college and I blew it no second chances.

I still want to atleast make friends, any advice how to as an adult? Please don't tell me I'm screwed my friends tell me everyday- I am screwed and the fact that I wake up out of bed is impressive enough.

Do you have any advice how to make friends? How to talk to strangers or make friends in my apartment building ro around? How to intially approach? And yes even with women, I promise everyone I just want one date, like my friend's wife said wanting intimacy down the road is like hurting a woman and I'll not even call her back after one date.

Any advice?

Hey everyone,

Just a guy who is trying to get fit; I waited way too long now I am 27 and despite friends and fam telling me I'll never look good going to give it a try. 5'6 295lbs I dropped 12lb in last 5 weeks.

I am using a meal prep service for lunches 5 times a week(like pre prepped meals) and I eat the same thing for breakfast(chicken sausage, boiled eggs, english muffin) everyday and love it.

My issue is with dinners I struggle to find high protein options to make with preferable lower fat. I don't mind some of the same meals but nothing bland. Any options?

I am working with a gym coach who gives me macros. roughly 2000 cal, 180 g protein, 80g fat, 200 g carb.

Any options? Prefer not too expensive, and easy to make. I eat all proteins except avoiding red meat. Love seafood, chicken and ground turkey

Hey everyone I(28M) just first want to say I am blessed to be here. This time last year I was unsure of it.

A year ago I had no job, no direction, felt like I'd wrecked my own career.

This year that completely turned around: landed a solid career pivot, got my own place for the first time, finally consistent with the gym, diet, even doing public speaking courses in an organization. Even going to therapy again. One of the most fun things I am doing is will be doing an open mic standup night, I was recommended by the owner to do a bit next month.

The one piece I haven't cracked is the social side: meeting people, making friends as an adult, dating. New city,no circle so far

Dating apps specifically have been a dead end. 5'6", brown, currently 280 lbs (was 300 a month ago, still grinding it down)-matches are impossible women want tall guys with 30 40 ex partners and six figures. Showing genuine interest in a woman is like a red flag nowadays I feel like. Also I didn't know this but friends told me if you are not conventionally good looking and show interest in an attractive woman that's basically harassment.

And honestly, I've never dated, never been in a relationship, still a virgin at this point, which makes the whole thing feel even more foreign to figure out. Not something I ever wanted to still be dealing with at this age, and it doesn't help that some friends joke about it like it makes me less of a man.

Some friends (and their wives) have basically told me not to bother that I'm "too old" to start now, both for making new friends and for dating, and that I should just accept whatever I've already got.

Friends told me to let a woman know I won't be mad being cheated on either. That way a decent woman will take a chance on me, and at this point I will understand. When you lack experience, you have to make compromises like being cheated on.

For anyone who's leveled up other parts of life and then tackled this where'd you actually start? Apps, hobbies, meetups, something else?

TL;DR: Was at rock bottom a year ago (no job, no direction), turned it around this year with a new career, my own place, consistent gym progress (300lbs → 280lbs), and finding my voice through Toastmasters. Only thing I haven't figured out is the social side: friends and dating. Never dated, still a virgin, dating apps go nowhere, and some people around me act like I should just give up on it. Looking for how others actually started from scratch on this.