I’ve never met anyone who can relate to this experience (Covert Narcissism)
Its so infuriating and isolating trying to explain that my mum has an indoor and outdoor persona. The real and the fake her. I always believed the sun rose and set with her, that she was the gold standard for truth, honesty, kindness and generosity.
But then as I got older I started to notice the differences, the discrepancies, the changes in behaviour between when we were at home together and when she was meeting someone in public or I invited a friend home. There was something off but I could never find the right words to describe this eery nuanced behaviour
As I got even older and more independent, I felt it more and more. I know my mum went through hell as a child and adult, experienced homelessness, single parenthood, childhood and adulthood neglect and abuse, but it doesn’t excuse how she’s impacted my life.
She deserved better but so did I.