u/kthegreat1

a question i'm sure has been posted many times in this sub but i'm looking for more specific advice. i've been going back and forth on the two for the last four years during my undergrad, i felt like i finally decided but now i'm doing this seminar in genetic counseling subjects over the summer and i'm thinking it over again.

on the one hand, i want to be a doctor, i'm interested in science and medicine, i want to be an expert in genetics (prenatal/pedes specifically), and i want to be a leader.

but on the other hand, i love working with families, i really enjoy learning more about them and taking a family history, and i enjoy the counseling part of genetic counseling and i want to help explain things and teach families about the condition their child has.

i guess the thing i'm worried about is that i won't get to do those things as a geneticist. i've had a lot of trouble finding anyone to shadow, geneticist or genetic counselor. i live somewhat near a large teaching hospital, but they are funny about letting people shadow either field, so i figure this is the next best thing. thanks for any advice in advance!

ik i don‘t have it nearly as bad as some people on here but i‘ve been feeling really lonely nonetheless. i know i have a lot of people in my life who care about me, but even when i’m with them i feel lonely.

went to my best friend’s birthday in april back in my hometown, but she really only seemed to care about the friends she had there. she should of course have friends other than me, especially since i’m not there but it still sucked since i went all the way out there.

most of my friends left for the summer (i live in the town our college is) and i do hang out with the two friends i have here but they can be really flaky. plus they’re dating so they always have each other, but i get left out.

it was my birthday a couple weeks ago, and even though i had talked to my friend back home about coming here, she never got back to me about it. she usually sends a long text at midnight on birthdays and holidays but this year she just sent “happy birthday!” she said three of her other friends have birthdays this month and made a lot of plans for them. she even sent me a video of her and her friends at our favorite restaurant. my other friends (the couple) said they would plan something, but they didn’t. and then said they would have something planned for after one of them gets back from vacation, but the plans were that we would bake something and watch a movie, which i will enjoy, but that’s not anything we wouldn‘t do anyway. it was my 21st so i kind of wanted to do something special. and i always get my friends these nice, well thought out gifts, and they don‘t usually get me anything. my birthday ended up being me and my mom going to the mall, but she had to leave half way through for an appointment. so i sat at the bookstore and read until my friends got there. the point is it was a very lonely birthday compared to what i had been hoping for.

and i know i could have or should have planned something myself, but my friends said they would and i’ve never had a friend plan me a birthday party, and i was excited. i’m going to plan something for when my friends are back for school but it sucks nothing happened on my actual birthday.

now tonight i had plans with those same friends and they canceled last minute, even though they knew i was ending plans with my parents early so i could get here to hang out. i got home to my apartment and when i went inside my roommate didn’t say hello or anything, even though i had been gone all weekend. it was a randomly assigned roommate situation so we’re not besties or anything, and i’ll be moving out soon, but it still hurt. just made me feel even more invisible than i already feel.

this time last year is when i found out my two friends were dating, which sucked because i only became friends with the other person because my friend introduced us. and on top of that, i had kind of started catching feelings for my friend. and i’ve also been thinking a lot about my friend who passed away 9 years ago, since she died in the summer. and whenever i go home and see my cat, i inevitably think about my dead dog, because she and my parent’s new dog play fight, and i can’t help but think about how much better my old dog was than the new one. and then a song or something will play on the radio and remind me of my dead great grandma. and i’ve just had a lot of anxiety about death in the last six months anyway. but ever since feeling so lonely on my birthday i kind of seem to not really care about that anxiety any more. idk, it comes and goes.

idk, i’m just tired and sad. i wish i didn‘t have to be in my apartment. i wish my cat was here. i try to self soothe with a weighted stuffed animal and watch comfort shows but it doesn’t really help. i hope things get better soon :/ thanks for reading if anyone did.