I can't live anymore..
Hello,
I am 37 years old (male), and two months ago I had my first-ever sexual experience. Truly my first. I met a girl (38 yo) at a nightclub who comes from a place where the percentage of people living with HIV is as high as 2% (Ukraine). After the party, we went to my place. We kissed, she gave me unprotected oral sex, and I performed unprotected oral sex on her (cunninglus) for about 10-15 minutes. I was very drunk, and I do not remember whether there was any blood or whether either of us had any cuts or sores in our mouths. However, I am 100% certain there was no vaginal or anal penetration.
For the past two months, I haven’t been able to think about anything other than HIV. This woman has never been tested for HIV. I am wondering whether I should commit suicide before taking the test or after taking it. I am already completely worn down by the stress. It's not a joke. I haven't had any symptoms so far but I am suicidal ☹️☹️☹️