Figuring out I’m 4E
I just had the biggest epiphany about myself because of this system, Psychosophy. For a long time I thought I was 2E because I assumed that because I’m emotionally accommodating, I can only be 2E and not 4E, because back then I believed that 4E is only ever cold and mean. But after reading into this theory more and discussing it with some people on PDB (don’t hate!), I figured out 4E is my real emotional placement. It just feels so good to finally figure out who I am, at least to some extent.
All my life I considered myself a sentimental person and therefore I never considered the possibility that I could be low in emotion.
But the truth is, I have never made decisions purely based on emotions, and even though I used to be more openly emotional as a child, I have really mellowed out a lot with the years. Even in my teen years, I didn’t really share my emotions much with people (not even family), and I was told that my true feelings were hard to read.
I always felt that something must be wrong with me emotionally, because I usually don’t feel very deeply at all, even when someone is pouring out their heart to me. I always try to commiserate and mirror others’ emotions so I don’t seem like a jerk, but people often tell me how I always seem emotionally awkward. Every time someone cries in front of me, I just stare at them awkwardly. I’ve always coped with this feeling of emotional deficiency by taking action to help others out, to offset my lack of deep passion. If I can’t cry with others, then at least I can try to help them as much as I can, or simply listen to them. (Sometimes I’m overly helpful in an effort to be a good person.)
My ex and I broke up, to a large extent, because (per his words) I was not “loving enough” and I never knew how to stop working and set aside time for him. It actually made me feel bad, once again, to hear that my emotions weren’t enough. He told me I focused too much on being his savior and protector, doing things for him and buying him gifts, when all he wanted was to hear that I loved him. I did tell him I loved him, but perhaps I didn’t say it with enough passion or conviction. I have never been good at speaking about my deep feelings with outward passion. My ex-partner was FLEV; he may have needed a 2E partner, I now realize.
I commiserate and try to mirror others’ feelings, as I’ve already said, which I assumed was 2E. But now I realize that 4E is not necessarily a cold and mean aspect, but rather an adaptable one. Suddenly everything makes sense. Now I know why, despite being “nice” and “friendly” (other people’s words, not mine), I could never relate to the bright and sparkly nature of 2E. I feel embarrassed crying in front of others; I don’t particularly like smiling widely; I’m not good at telling others I love them (aside from my ex and my parents), and so on, but I admire this emotionality in others to an extent, as long as they’re not too dramatic. People tell me it’s very hard to ruffle my feathers, which is why many people don’t try to emotionally prod me, and this is something I do like about myself; my unwavering calmness.
I don’t know why I’m dumping all this info on you all, lol. I just feel like it’s so important to emphasize that 4E is not automatically a cruel or uncaring function. It’s capable of kindness, too. I’m sure you all know this already. Had I realized this sooner, I wouldn’t have had all these incessant doubts about my typology. I’ve always wanted to know who I am, and I’ve relied on typology to help me figure it out to an extent, but mistyping myself caused me to try to achieve tasks and roles that really didn’t suit me.
Not sure how to end this post! I kinda just puked out a whole bunch of words 😀