u/kxmc05

I feel so MUCH anxiety surrounding my virginity to the point where I obsess over it constantly. Being a 28yo virgin honestly makes me feel ashamed and like a complete loser😭 I feel embarrassed about it, I can’t even talk about it out loud. To me it feels like time is running out especially when it seems like everyone else moved past this stuff years ago. Sometimes it even makes me feel immature or emotionally behind compared to other people my age.

On one hand, of course I want a loving relationship and genuine connection. On the other hand, I go back and forth between wanting something meaningful and wanting to just hook up with someone random to “get it over with.” This all feels so complicated in my head and I can’t stop stressing over it.

The problem is I’m extremely shy and always have been for as long as I can remember. I’m deeply insecure about every little thing about myself, and even though people tell me I’m not ugly, I still see myself as weird and grotesque lol. I’m also really awkward around men and find them extremely intimidating, so forming relationships and feeling comfortable with intimacy is hard for me.

I obviously want to feel desired and attractive, but the idea of being sexualized or judged for my lack of experience scares me a lot too. It feels like part of me wants closeness and intimacy while another part panics and shuts down from fear and insecurity.