How do I move on from this?
When I was fourteen I got sexually assaulted, it has ruined my life. I used to be very smart and out going but now I’m a shell of my former self. I was so passionate about school and now I’m not like that, I have no motivation and now I’m home bound. All I do is lay in bed and cry. I’m ashamed of myself. I used to have motivation for everything, i was very passionate about being clean, I cleaned my room every three days. Sweeping, mopping, laundry, etc but now? I just have no motivation for it. Of course I try my best to pick up but it still feels draining and I can’t understand why. I used to laugh all the time and have a clear mind but all I do is think about it. It has already been seven months after the situation and I feel as if I’m not getting any better. I’ve done medication, therapy, and other forms of “solutions” but nothing works. I try my best for a lot of things but I’m not good enough. All I do is reminisce of who I used to be. I was so smart, funny, and likable. I now stay away from people, I just stay in bed all day and cry. I want to die. I want to stop being a burden on my family. I want to stop being a waste of space or wasted potential. I want this pain to end. Nothing feels the same, this life doesn’t even seem real. Any holiday that passes never feels warm just feels like “the first Fourth of July after it happened.” Even my birthday feels the same as that. I was so excited for the next grade year and to be in FFA (Future Farmers of America) but now that’s all down the drain.