u/lacroixbngwtr

hi — i’m relatively new to deity worship, and i make offerings to freyja on my main altar regularly, but i’m planning to create separate altar shelves for odin and thor respectively. the primary offering i make has been mead, but i’m looking for suggestions for sober offerings and maybe words of wisdom/encouragement from other people in recovery as i can’t even keep it in the home right now. hopefully i’ll get there one day but that day is not today, lol.

i already know about oak and nettles for thor, and oak is special to me, so i’m going to start there (and with flowers for freyja now that it’s spring bc that feels right to me), but what about odin? would little trinkets and offerings of food suffice as if i were trying to befriend a crow or raven? any help would be appreciated :)

i (25nb) am a massage therapy student, only three weeks into studying, and i’m hitting a point where i probably need to go to the hospital again. i know i need to ask for a leave of absence to get my head on straight, but i feel like such a failure because i really thought i could handle this and be fine. i’m so sick of failing, i feel broken, i don’t know why it’s so goddamn hard. i want to do this, i like learning, i like what i’m learning about, i want this to be my career, and i want to get there as soon as possible to move the fuck away and get a new start. i hate this disorder.

i had to stop seeing my therapist of seven years bc i need a different approach and my school schedule doesn’t allow it.

i think i may be in a mixed episode, i was hypomanic for several days and have come down a bit but i can’t seem to stop myself from drinking, and i’m struggling with self harm again. if i had the money i’d be blowing it all on going out dancing and drinking and trying to find other substances to use to escape/numb myself/feel something else, i’ve been hypersexual and acting on it online but not irl because i can’t flirt for shit and men don’t like me (and i don’t even like them, i’m like 95/5 bisexual and very visibly queer, and i identified as a lesbian for eight years until my manic psychotic break & stupid fucking bpd made me think i was attracted to a guy friend who was kind and patient and caring when i needed it most).

i’m struggling with disordered eating and my body image & self esteem because my meds made me gain so much weight, and i don’t want to take them anymore, not because i don’t want to be stable (i do) but because i can’t stand the way my body looks. and of course part of me wants the manic high because it made me so skinny last time and it’s not the soul crushing, all-consuming depression on the other side of the coin.

i know what all of this means, i know it’s probably hospital time to stabilize and keep myself safe, but i’m so sick of putting my family through this, and i can’t stand being hovered over and micromanaged and treated like a child.