u/laika0043

I guess I’m coming here for advice because I don’t know what to do anymore.

I was having sex with a guy and at one point I pushed his chest and said stop. He did for a moment and continued. He later said he heard me. He later doubled down saying I could’ve said it again I could’ve said it louder.

His bandmates told me that it was poor phrasing on his end.

I tried talking to 2 of his frontmen and sent them all the screenshots I had of it. Him saying he heard me and whatnot. Unbeknownst to me they reported back to him and said that it was a miscommunication.

I have a more detailed account on my profile. One of them told me to please refrain from making any statements because it can hurt him and the people around him. They have a good run of shows coming up and :/.

I don’t know what to do anymore I feel so alone and sad. I don’t even know if I did the right thing telling his bandmates. Or if I should just let this go.

They’ll probably see this. I’m just so sad

It hurts so bad. I can’t move on, I can’t stop thinking about it. My chest aches, I feel so gross I spend all day crying. My life outside of it sucks as well and my cat ran away.

I don’t know what to do anymore. All his friends told me it was a miscommunication and now I don’t know what to think. I feel so gross and like a liar, my skin crawls. I can’t stop thinking about it everything hurts so bad.

Everyone said that if it hurt that bad I would’ve never seen him again. I feel like I’m a horrible monster who ruined his life and now he hates me. He’s always on top of me he’s always sleeping next to me. I’d hurts so bad. I can’t keep on living like this anymore.

Does it get better? Or do I deserve this?

I recently made a post saying that I didn’t know if what I was through could even be considered sexual assault.

I was having sex with a guy i pushed his chest and said stop. He stopped for a moment and kept on going. He later said he heard me.

I contacted a venue because I didn’t want him to play a show with a band I listen to. the venue said that they would have to contact the band but that to get them off the bill if I wish. But that they will never book them again. I’m going to call their frontman Nick.

I decided that I wanted to talk to nick myself I wanted to talk to them anonymously to avoid any bias. I told them upfront and sent as many screenshots as I had. They agreed with me. I told them it was their band member and then they flipped out and called one of my friends bfs. Who then called me. She said that he was on my side but that he was on his way to band practice.

I later heard from her that Nick believes that me talking to him anonymously is coercion. And all I wanted was to have an unbiased non judgmental conversation because I already felt like I was over reacting.

I spoke to nick on the phone after they asked my ex about their opinion. He said that “I never escalated or started anything with her it was all her. And I just thought that stop meant stop for a moment”. Nick said that they will cancel their upcoming shows out of respect for me. And that they are not trying to undermine my feelings but that they’re at a crossroad because it was a miscommunication. I later found out that they’re still playing their shows.

One of our mutual friends told me “this could’ve been solved between friends and that he wants us all to get along. It’s best if this doesn’t leave our inner circle because it can affect other people and the people around them. Please stop making any statements and focus on healing”.

But from what I’ve gathered he’s gonna stay in all his bands and everyone is gonna move past it :/.

And I guess I’m coming here to update/get advice because idk if this is even worth standing my ground and trying to prove myself to people who all believe it was a miscommunication. I already felt horrible because i believed I was hurting him so bad by being upset with him. Or if I should just completely remove myself from the entire situation.

I’m just so heartbroken man. It took so much for me to try and do or say something. But now everyone knows what happened and he’s still going to play his shows just like he told me he would.

I said stop he said he heard me then he told me I should’ve said it again I could’ve said it louder. And everyone says it was a miss communication and that I kept on seeing him afterwards and that he never repeated his mistake. And I know it was his first time. And I know it never happened again but I can’t move on.

I’m so hurt and I’m so upset I don’t know what to do anymore. I made a giant deal out of nothing. And I feel like everyone hates me now.
And idk if I should stop talking to everyone in general because I think everyone is going to view me so differently now.