Struggling w/ so many partners
I (f) am new and I want to hear other peoples perspectives.
I met a (m) who was very open and honest that he and his partner were ENM but very committed and in love.
We started getting to know each other and shortly after, before any physical activity, I met his partner (f).
I have been physical with both together and both separately. There is no jealousy among us 3. But I have developed actual romantic feelings for her, while remaining friends with him. She feels the same way about me, he knows it and is very supportive of our relationship.
They also both have separate fwbs, swing with couples, and recently brought in another f for a threesome.
I should add, I am single, not looking for something serious but would like to have a partner, someone who hangs out, spends the night sometimes, knows my kids, I can tell how my day went etc… but that’s not where I’m at right now.
I feel ok with the structure, even though I get jealous or sometimes knowing they are sleeping all night together, after I have left, leaves me feeling really lonely. We’ve talked and they both work hard to make sure they check in with me, reassure me, want me to know I’m an important part of their lives. We are planning how to make overnights work.
The issue is they both are very openly always searching for more partners. I know ENM is about letting relationships be what they will and not being held back by typical relationships rules but isn’t there a point when you have enough relationships, fwbs, hookups, that you should stop and develop the ones you already have?
In my head I figured you develop relationships or not, it’s ok to have feelings for more than one person.
I guess I just feel really insignificant, even though I know I’m not. How do I talk myself out of the shaking and panicking and just feeling in danger that happens in my body when I hear about another play date they have set up, not with me? Her more so, I honestly haven’t been too bothered by his hookups.