u/lejanoisland

For some background, I’ve been in this role for a little over a year, and my exec and I have never clicked. She makes it very clear that she thinks I am dumb and/or lazy, and that she does not trust me. I’m not allowed to make ANY decisions - literally every single thing has to be run by her, from moving a 1:1 to simple IT requests. This obviously has made my job miserable and impossible to do, but I still show up every day with a smile on my face and a good attitude, eager to help. She also does not tell me anything. I’m frequently forwarded meeting requests and other emails she’s sent to other teams and for some reason did not copy me on. She doesn’t even tell me days she’s going to work remotely until after the fact. In my review, she put meets or exceeds expectations for everything - so I’m genuinely clueless as to what her issue with me is. We have had multiple talks about trust and workflow to no change. At this point I have no idea why she hired me tbf.

Well, yesterday another EA reached out to me to ask for availability for my exec (an AVP) for interviews for a different AVP position, so I asked if there were particular days the candidate offered so I can go off that. My exec is always one of the interviewers for these positions, so I assumed it was the normal situation. Come to find out, the EA needed days from me because my exec IS THE CANDIDATE.

I felt blindsided and embarrassed to be finding this out from another EA. This EA forwarded me the email from her team asking her to set the interviews up, and there are four people copied on it, so at LEAST that many people knew before I did. I’ve had more multiple 1:1s with my exec since the date of this email, so she has had multiple opportunities to mention it to me.

During our 1:1 after I discovered this, I straight up asked her if this was something that was moving forward, what should I plan for, and how could this impact my role. She was clearly not expecting me to know about this, and said no one should’ve been talking about it because it’s still very early in talks with upper leadership (but still claimed it’s not a big secret??). She gave some half-assed hypotheticals to how it could go down, and didn’t really get specific about what could happen to me if she does get the position.

This whole thing has me fuming. When my previous exec (a much higher level and extremely important c-suite) was retiring, he said I was the first person he told besides our VP. In my eyes, that’s how it should go. EA’s and their execs are supposed to be a team that has each other’s backs.

I feel extremely disrespected, both professionally and just as a person. If something could impact my job and paycheck, do I not have a right to know? She does things that make me feel disrespected all the time, including making me come into the office for no reason on the day I’m normally remote, the day after my godmother’s unexpected funeral in another state. My exec was on PTO that day, and I basically ended being the only one in the office. She also fussed at me once for leaving at 4:54 instead of 5 (I am almost always the first EA there and the last to leave). It’s started to feel like she’s intentionally fucking with me.

Idk if I’m overreacting or what, but this person has my thinking so messed up and paranoid from these constant pokes that I don’t even know what to think anymore. My paranoia is telling me that she wants to get rid of me but knows she can’t because I perform well, so she’s just waiting it out until she gets to this next position. I have no clue what to do with her. I’ve tried every diplomatic professional way to find a way to work together, but she doesn’t seem interested in anything other than micromanaging me and questioning every move I make.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant. And before you ask, yes I am looking for a new job lol.

Edit/update: I really appreciate all of the feedback (even the ones calling me out lol), thanks y’all. I have calmed down a little now haha. I totally get that this may come across as entitled or overreacting, and maybe that’s valid. I’m just at my limit after a year of being belittled, gaslit, and kept out of the loop. Watching every other EA at the company interact with their execs, it’s just so painfully clear that mine does not like or respect me, so it’s difficult to know what’s normal and what isn’t sometimes. I hear her talk shit about other team members, so I know it’s not just me she views this way. But I haven’t been able to figure out the WHY. Anyway, thanks again, and for the Americans here, cheers to the upcoming long weekend!