The gay community is anything but inclusive
43M, settled financially, in a 10y happy relationship with my 36M. Both my bf and I feel incredibly isolated in the gay community. As an immigrant and POC, I am consistently mocked for my accent. For my color. For my age. My bf, for not being the stereotypical Greek god posting photos from the beach all the time. I know it sounds ridiculous and exaggerated, but that's what happens. In the gay community, if you do not identify with a certain tribe (twinks, circuit party boys, cruisers, bears, whatever)... you simply do not belong there. I can't count how many times I was told I was "so funny" (in the worst way possible) for not knowing drag queen miss whatever. For not playing dodgeball. For enjoying Saturday nights at home. For not wearing cropped tops. For not liking body hair and arm pits. For speaking funny. For not talking openly about my sex life at parties, not going to parties every weekend, for not being a macho, but also for not being a fem, for not being in an open relationship, for not being in shape (I think I am...), for being too old, I could go on and on. Mocked. By people who haven't lived half my struggles to get where I am, age wise or not.
For a community created around diversity, gays can be pretty exclusive, let's put this way. I hate this clique-y attitude, coming from a group where diversity is a big, meaningless word, if you don't look and behave in certain standardized ways.