u/lexii_wartooth

I don’t know where else to put this, but I have a severe addiction to jerking off to Allen from smiling friends, it started when I first watched the series, and I noticed I had a strange feeling for Allen, then my penis got hard, and I realized what it was. My room is filled with pictures of Allen taped all over the walls, I even put a candle in the room and started praying to him. My wife left me because of this, and my parents won’t talk to me, but I just can’t stop giving all my sexual desires to Allen, how can I stop?

I got this Family Guy shirt from someone and since I loved catching an episode of Family Guy on TV back then on cable TV whenever I could (it was like a treat), I didn’t object to wearing it.

I come to school one day (I sat next to the teacher).

Her: (stops teaching, looks at me) uhhhh… do you watch that? 🤨👆🏻😱

Me: (realizing immediately she disapproves) um yeah but just like sometimes-

Her: Oh my. That show’s so inappropriate. When I was growing up my parents didn’t let me watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because it was so violent

I went to a shitty elementary school. So then all the kids at recess:

“Yeah like… that was really embarrassing. Like why do your parents let you watch that? That’s so bad”

Bro shut up I like family guy like sorry I’m literally the only one in this class who can handle the “obscenity” of Family Guy, 30 year old teacher included. Stop insisting on yourselves.

Adam Sandler's Shrek improvised line about the GingerBread Man:

"You think you’re funny, little cookie man? You think you're funny? I'll turn you into a Chips Ahoy, buddy!"

Adam Sandler's Shrek The "Shouting" Voice: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP, YOU JACKASS?"

Adam Sandler's Shrek meeting Lord Farquaad:

"Wow. Look at this guy. Is this for real? Are you, like, a little person, or is that just how you stand? Hey Farquaad, maybe you should spend less time on your hair and more time on—I don't know—not being a complete jerk-off!"

Adam Sandler's Shrek dealing with Lord Farquaad

(Upon seeing Farquaad's height) "You're the king, there is NO way, this guy is tiny! Hey, little guy, where’d you get your clothes? The Build-A-Bear workshop?

Adam Sandler's Shrek falling in Love with Fiona

(Sandler-Shrek talking to himself about Fiona)

"She’s nice. She’s definitely... she’s definitely not a ugly hag, that’s for sure. But, I don't know, she’s a princess. I’m a green dude. I live in a shack down by the swamp! It’s not gonna work. But... she makes my heart go a little shabadoobadoo, you know?

When the Fairy Tale Creatures enter his home:

"What in the... what is this? Animal Planet? Get out! Everyone! Get out of my house! I'm gonna—I'm gonna lose it, I swear to God!"

Adam Sandler's Shrek to Lord Farquaad: "Listen to me, you little fella. You think you can just come into my swamp? I'd like to punch you in the face right now, but I can't, I'm too busy not carin'!"

Adam Sandler's Shrek meeting Fiona: "Hey, nice dress. Tough luck with the tower thing. My apartment is way better, it's got a, uh, it's got a toilet.

If Adam Sandler was Shrek: "DONKEY, YOU BLEW IT."

Adam Sandler's Shrek response to Donkey: "Get out of my swamp, I like it dirty, and I don't want any jackasses here."

Adam Sandler's Shrek The "I'm a Good Person" Moment

(A rare, tender, but still whiny moment)

"Why does everyone gotta run away, you know? I’m just a guy. I’m just a big, green guy who loves his, uh, his peace and quiet. I don't wanna kill anybody. I just want... I just want a little, like, a little love in my life." [High-pitched voice] Is that too much to ask for, you, you, a-holes?!"

[High-pitched When confronting the fairytale creatures (The Happy Gilmore Style):

"Listen to me, you little Gingerbread Man. You got 10 seconds to get off my property, or I’m gonna take that little candy button and stick it... somewhere else. Go on! Get!"

Sandler Shrek: "Get the heck out of my swamp dude."

Adam Sandler's Shrek Upon Meeting Donkey: "Whoa, okay, buddy. First off, you talk a lot. Way too much. Second, I live in a swamp. It's supposed to be dirty. It's... it's just how I live, ya know? I like it here! So, if you could just... just turn around and walk away, that would be greeeeat."

Adam Sandler's Shrek To Donkey (after a long rant):

"Dude. Stop talking. Seriously, take a break. Your mouth is moving, but all I'm hearing is... just nothing. It’s just nothing. Go stand by that tree and shut it down."

Adam Sandler's Shrek Dealing with Lord Farquaad (In the style of Billy Madison/Happy Gilmore):

(Violently grabbing Farquaad’s cape)

"You know what? THE PRICE IS WRONG, B!TCH! You think you can just come into my swamp, build a castle, and tell me I can’t eat my onions? I’ll punch you in the face right now, but I can't, because I’d get in trouble. But I'm thinking about it! I’m totally thinking about it!"

Adam Sandler's On Charming's Appearance:

"Hey look, it’s the guy from the shampoo commercial. What are you doin’, man? You look like a—like a medieval Ken doll. Did you get your hair highlighted by a witch? Get outta here!

Adam Sandler's Shrek on Prince Charming: "Prince Charming? More like Prince Alarming, am I right? Donkey, look at this loser. He’s wearing more eyeliner than Fiona on prom night.

Adam Sandler's Shrek The "Frustrated/Yelling" Shrek (Happy Gilmore style)

(After Donkey wakes him up) "Hey! Hey! You! DONKEY! Why don't you go home? Is your house called freak village or something?

Adam Sandler's Shrek when confronting Farquaad when he is trying to marry Fiona: "Hey Fuckwad, back away from my girl, shortstack!"

(When fairytale creatures invade) "You're gonna die, Pinocchio!"

(At the tournament) "Now that's what I call high-quality Ogre-H2O!"

Catchphrases in a Scouse-Ogre Voice

"O'Doyle Rules... I mean, SHREK RULES!"

"Stay here. Stay as long as you can!" (To Gingy)

"A simple 'Thank you for not eating me' would've done just fine."

They made those Thefoodreviewer YTPs and they were the best. Can't find any re-uploads either