r/copypasta

Je suis hétéro, mais je me masturbe sur des images de pénis

Eh bien voilà. Le titre.

Je suis attiré par les femmes, je fantasme sur les femmes, je voudrais vraiment vivre avec une femme lorsque le moment sera venu et que ne serai guéri de mes traumatismes.

Mais depuis deux mois environ, j'ai découvert des subreddits NSFW masculins, et pour une raison quelconque, cela m'a excité. Je ne comprends pas.

Depuis, il m'arrive de fréquenter ces subs juste pour voir de nouvelles images de pénis et en profiter.

J'ai honte et je suis confus. Je pense que je suis devenu hypersexuel.

C'était ma confession.

De MOI sur r/confessions

Est-ce que d'autres font ça sous la douche ? Ou alors c'est juste moi qui suis bizarre ?

Parfois, quand je suis sous la douche, j'ai envie de faire pipi. Je pince parfois le bout de mon prépuce ou je mets mon pouce dessus et je le lâche, remplissant mon prépuce d'urine jusqu'à ce qu'il gonfle et je laisse tout sortir d'un coup.

Encore une fois, ce n'est pas à chaque fois. Mais je trouve ça cool et ça a l'air marrant, et seuls les mecs non circoncis peuvent faire ça. Bien sûr, je suis sous la douche et je me lave là-bas de toute façon, donc je n'ai jamais trouvé ça pas hygiénique.

Est-ce que je suis bizarre ? Est-ce que quelqu'un a déjà fait ça sous la douche ?

Found ou r/uncircumcised_talk

I call myself a pan-illnist. I'm somebody with every mental illness simultaneously, all at once. I have every mental illness we as humans have discovered, and even a few that we haven't. In order to treat my many problems, I am on every psychiatric medication simultaneously.

What's it like? Well, I can't go into everything I experience, because we'd be here all day, but let me just give you a quick run-down.

I have very bad PTSD, that comes in the form of a series of traumatic incidents that I can't remember anymore, because I have dementia...I forgot them alI.

I have borderline personality disorder, which means that my feelings are felt extremely potently and over-poweringly, however, I also have depression, which blunts my emotions just enough so that I feel the normal range of human experience.

I have body dysmorphia, which makes me hate myself, but my narcissistic personality makes it all cancel out.

I suffer from pretty severe visual hallucinations but I also have aphantasia, so I can't see them. I assume they're pretty wild, though.

Of course, I struggle with anorexia and binge eating disorder. At my worst, I'm eating 3 square meals a day.

I have really bad obsessive-compulsive disorder However, I also have really bad anxiety. I'm OCD-phobic. The idea of having OCD is so terrifying to me that every time I start getting into an OCD thought-loop, I get scared out of it.

My schizoid personality disorder gives me a flat affect, meaning that what I say sounds pretty monotone. Or, at least, it would if I didn't have the pressured speech from my bipolar disorder, causing me to have more intonation to what I say.

Y'know, the worst part about having every mental illness is the doubters. I mean, every day, people tell me, ''you clearly don't have any mental illnesses."

"You clearly just have narcissistic personality disorder manifesting as pathological lying."

"You're not a doctor. You don't have a PhD. You're just looking up mental illnesses on Wikipedia."

"You might actually believe what you're saying, this might be a factitious disorder: A disorder where somebody pretends to have a disorder, without even knowing that they're lying about it!"

To which I say, ha, well, because I have every mental illness, I do actually have factitious disorder. But, because I have every mental illness, and factitious disorder is the invention of a mental illness you don't have, I have to make up a mental disorder that doesn't exist in order to have factitious disorder. And the mental disorder I've made up is anti-factitious disorder, which works as a stack to factitious disorder in my brain, cancelling each other out. So I don't have factitious disorder!

This is the first time I've laid out all of my mental illnesses like this before. And I'm starting to realize...

A lot of them cancel out. In fact, all of them seem to. ...Which means I guess when you put them all together...

I'm fine! All I really needed was to talk to somebody about it!

And now that I have, I can finally be healthy!

Ha! Therapy really does work. Thank you.

I'm fine! I'm fine!

I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill! I'm not mentally ill anymore I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill! I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill! I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill! I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill anymore! I'm not mentally ill! I'm not mentally ill anymore!

I'm not mentally ill. I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm not mentally ill.

I'm not mentally ill! They all cancel each other out!

They all cancel each other out!

I think i'm just autistic

Ever since it's been getting rainy here in where I live at, I couldn't go home from school without getting wet. Because of it, 2 out of 8 notebooks are literally getting wet by the water passing through my bag. even if I had an umbrella, its too short to cover it all without sacrificing myself to be hit by the rain, so I wanted to know if I could possibly make my bag homophobic, or if I need to buy a new bag. If anyone knows or can give advice, please do!

So my wife has a copper IUD and the thing has strings on it. They kinda hurt when you I hit them so the doctor snipped them a bit. (We have done this twice now )

Last night I was literally getting the ride of my life and suddenly I felt a prick and started to lose my erection. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I just grab a cock ring and went back to work this time I’m on top.

When I was finally about to pop I felt a strain like there wasn’t enough room for my seed to travel in my urethra🤔

I pop ! And it hurts like crazy. I jump up and surprise!!!

I’m bleeding out my pee hole. I couldn’t pee for a few hours and it was a little scary, but i live.

Moral of the story: IUD’s can and will fight back if you pound too hard.🥲

So i just went to shit and it kinda hurts like it feels a little tight. I dont do butt stuff and i dont wanna do butt stuff because im not gay (im a guy not a female) but like maybe i need to engage in butt stuff because my butt feels really tight and irritated so maybe if i slowly build up tolerance via this "butt stuff" maybe i will hurt less as i will loosen myself up and no longer be quite so tight down there. I think this could be a good idea its just that i dont want to become gay because i really like girls like a lot and their boobs and stuff, not much into people playing with my butt or doing butt stuff to me but i guess its different if i do it myself since its not gay if i do butt stuff to myself right? Would only be gay if i let another person, even a girl do it to me. But anyway im willing i just dont wanna do it. I dont wanna do anything rash. maybe thats the real problem after all, maybe i have a rash down there and i just need to take it easy on the shitting, maybe butt stuff isnt what i need to engage in, this has been a really eye opening conversation (like the eye of a needle, srssly) just wanted to thank you for your attention on this

Problème de durabilité

Salut, nouveau ici, comment est-ce que tu caches vraiment les durites quand tu es bien doté ? Je suis ce qu'on appelle "à peine 18 ans", un tardif sans éjaculation pour l'instant et j'ai déjà des problèmes pour cacher mes érections, ce qui veut dire que je me mets assis jusqu'à ce que ça passe, au prix de me faire passer pour un bizarre. Y a-t-il des types de sous-vêtements faits pour nous, les bien dotés ? Je fais 20x16,5 cm donc la méthode de pointer mon pénis vers le haut dans mon pantalon ne fonctionne pas lol, mon zizi apparaît littéralement, des suggestions ? En considérant le fait que j'ai encore beaucoup de croissance à faire ?

Found ou r/bigdickproblems

In college I was on the receiving end of one of the best blow jobs anyone has ever had. It was like a god had finally granted my wish. The issue came when I did. Apparently, this trans-goddess who decided to bless me had really good suction and I finished with an extra firm burst because when I let loose the nut something else came with it, there was a slight pop. There was no pain but when she started to swallow I could feel a tug. She kept trying to swallow and I had to move her head away for me because I was too stunned to talk, I knew something had happened.

When she released her mouth grip and I slid out the first thing I noticed was her big cute mouth full of blood, the second was this pinkish red worm coming out of the mouth of my own pinkish red worm. Something from inside my penis, had become outside my penis. While this lovely woman ran away to clean her mouth of my blood and innards, in my panic, I decided the best course of action was to just try and shove this worm back into it's hole. Let me tell you, trying to stick a thin string of flesh back inside your peehole isn't a pleasant experience. I was scared and embarrassed.

After two days of this worm tube falling out of my penis anytime I peed I finally went to the doctor. Turns out my urethra detached itself at some point. I had to go into surgery where they sliced my weiner from bottom shaft to top head like an over plump hotdog to reattach it. Doctor said this is a fairly common occurrence, typically from when someone continued to suck after a nut. Still, every once and awhile, Ill see a little piece of flesh poking out of my dick hole as a reminder of that night and I have to push it back in.

We are still together today and she's still a champ.

I want your hot, sweaty body all over me. I want you to dominate me like you dominate the court. Bend me over and show me what that massive dick of yours can do. I'll even let you stick it where the sun don't shine, just for you, my daddy Lebron. I'll take it to the next level and rub chicken gravy all over your body, and then slowly lick and nibble every inch of it off. And don't worry, I'll pay special attention to that third leg of yours. I'll suck it like a vacuum and make you moan my name. And speaking of third legs, I can't wait to touch our tips and see how well they fit together. I don't care if we're both dudes, Lebron. Let's get married and have a happily ever after, with or without kids. I'll even go the extra mile and get a uterus attached to me just so we can have little Lebrons running around. You're mine and I'm yours, and the only thing going inside my crack is your magnificent dick. I want you to grab my ass and eat me out like a monster, leaving me screaming your name and begging for more. You're my sunshine, my only sunshine, and I'll gladly be your personal gay slut. So what do you say, Lebron?

umm this is kinda embarrassing (⇀‸↼‶)..... so yesterday on the femboy meme subreddit i saw a post "my son is just fine, mam ur son is clicker trained"

and that got me curious,is it really possible to clicker train someone? also the idea of behaving just by the sound of something was somewhat fascinating and intersting so....i decided to use myself as a test subject and tried to clicker train myself ( 𖦹‸𖦹)

i got a choclate bar, played those "long silence interrupted by clicker sound" videos from yt and everytime i heard the clicker sound i made nyaa sound and took a small bite from the chocolate and......that worked wayy too good

now everytime i hear clicker sound my whole body shivers and i make a nyaa sound and no matter how much i resist i just can't control it :/

now I'm kinda worried if i hear a dog clicker irl or something similar sounding and act like that in public

so that's pretty much it, is it permanent? or the training effect will go off in couple of weeks? (\_ \_'")

thanks!!

Buddy, I don’t think you want to talk about intelligence. I have a masters from Cornell for being a registered dietitian. I am also in medical school well on track to surgery. While in medical school, I’ve been able to invest and make well over six figures that I use to prop up my non-profit that feeds poor African children.

Ai has been useful in every step I just wrote. I use AI to analyze stocks prior to trades. I use Ai to help me build a brand for my non-profit. I use it every day at work to improve my patient assessments and plans. I use it to help me study. It helps me find research articles that I’ve published with Oxford and top medical institutes in USA. I could go on.

Just because you use Ai for your non-functioning brain, others use it as a tool to help the world. But go ahead, think I’m stupid and anti-human. Enjoy literally doing nothing for the world and being completely forgotten.

This is an embarrassing story, and I know how absurd it sounds, but I would like to preface by stating that I am a generally very impulsive person. I have been meaning to get tested and diagnosed for whatever it is I have for many years now but have never found the time.

Now that I've gotten out of the way, I'll start with my story. Recently, I (26M) have become particularly enamored with the memes about a man named Tom Pearl. This meme has become a vocal stim of mine. I'll constantly quote Tom Pearl's opening quote: "Hi, my name is Tom Pearl, and I'm gonna eat my diarrhea for 'ya." It drives my wife insane. She tells me that she's "really uncomfortable with it" and "doesn't want to hear about a man eating his own poop." I tried to explain to her why it was so funny but she nearly retched on the spot... she has a very sensitive stomach and can't exactly handle certain information like that. I thought I was doing her a favor by trying to toughen her up on that front. We've had multiple fights about the subject where I try to tell her that I'm most likely neurodivergent with a some autism and that all my friends agree but she just won't have it.

For some time though, I had been doing good about not quoting that junk. Our relationship had started to recover. We started going on dates again, going out to eat, actually laughing and having fun with each other. It was great. She did always seem a little quiet or nervous, but I'm pretty sure that's just because she's generally shy.

And that was when I got too comfortable. Just two nights ago, we were going to have sex - it was the first time she'd actually looked like she wasn't doing it begrudgingly in months. I was going to perform oral on her, and had her lay on the bed while I went to the foot of the bed and got into position. Just as I was about to start eating her out, I decided to say what I thought was a funny, or even sexy, quip: "Hi, my name is Tom Pearl, and I'm gonna eat this pussy for 'ya."

Immediately, she gagged at the mention of the meme. It shocked me because I didn't even say anything about the poop-eating part, it was just a stupid joke about eating her out, which is why I didn't expect her to take such a high level of offense to it. She stood up immediately, put on her clothes, and stormed out of the house without a word or doing so much as looking me in the eye. I tried to get her to stay, hell, I even tried to block her from the door, but it was all no use.

I haven't seen her since. I'd called her over and over and over but she's blocked my number now - admittedly I was a bit harsh in my voicemails, and I have a tendency to be threatening (it can be scary, but it's my love language. I know that sounds strange, but my impulsivity to have these outbursts only truly comes out if I feel comfortable enough around someone to where my subconscious opens up that chamber of my mind to release its feelings. It's a stupid tendency, I KNOW it is, but I cannot control myself as much as I wish I could).

All my friends say that she's just crazy, and I want to believe them because I have known them for years and all of them have been through many relationships themselves. All I want to know is how I go nicely about getting her to understand that I was joking.

TLDR: The meme "Tom Pearl" destroyed my relationship and I don't know how to make my wife understand my stupid impulsive sense of humor.

Oh my GAWWWSSSHHH:hot women GAYS :lgbt today is the dayyyy 🇺🇸🎉 The sky is about to EXPLODE with FREEDOM 🔥💦💦 America is running through my veins like sweet TTTTEEEEEEEEEE and BBQ sauce 🍔🍖🍺

I'm sitting here with my bald eagle bestie 🦅 staring at the grill like 😩👌🍆Hot dogs spinning, burgers flipping, corn on the cob dripping in butter 🌽🧈 Flags waving everywhere 🏁🇺🇸 Stars and Stripes hitting me right in the FEELS WHILE GEOPOLITiCS BURNING DOWN FUCK YEAH 🛢 💣Then BOOM 💥🎆 the fireworks start and I'm SCREAMING "THIS IS WHY WE FOUGHT THE BRITISH!!!" while waving sparklers like a maniac ✨✨✨ Red white and blue lighting up the whole neighborhood like God himself said "let there be FREEDOM" 🌟💥

My neighbors are BLAST💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦ing music so loud the bass is shaking the buns 🍑 😫 Someone just yelled "MERICA" from their rooftop and I felt that in my soul 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥🦅

Pass the potato salad 🥗 Pass the fireworks 💣 Pass the liberty and justice for all babyyy 🦅🇺🇸

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA YOU GLORIOUS BEAUTIFUL CHAOS OF A COUNTRY 🎇🎆💥🧨✨

Now excuse me while I go cry patriotic tears into my apple pie 🥧😭🇺🇸 As this nation collides

FREEDOM AIN'T FREE BUT THESE FIREWORKS SURE ARE LOUD 💥💥💥

FRIES NOT CHIPS🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅

Please put nsfw tag to this. I was on the train and I begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts I start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a emergency escape button, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. I accidentally dropped the phone because i got shocked. Your train floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the train engine but it builds up too fast. You try the trash bin in the train. The cum is too thick to be put in. You lock the train door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the train door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great asses Flood of 2019, only with cum instead of asses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. every men in the train in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. the train engine goes under, with shaking entire train vigoriusly. You plead to doG to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the flamewall, hurtling into the train rail at thirty miles an hour. From a police’s eye view you see the train is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops, but refuses to call after i drop the phone. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards the train. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but the cop started to cum when he saw the dropped phone, ignoring me. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWEAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of cums from they watching the phone pierce your body at once, yet you stay cumscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute train. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the train barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of the phone sends one plane cumming to ground. The government decides to let you leave the train. You feel your goonads start to burn up as you reach the edging the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISIS, giving it a new white hand job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate the arousal of the phone. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to watch the phone itself, forming a reproduction of semen. Astronomers begin calling the phone the “Cummet.” and they cum. You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking. The cum accelerates. Forever. This monstrocity won't be happened if you put nsfw tag in this post.

@TeamYouTube I fixed my problem on my own it took me 8 days thanks for sucking ass as usual #KillGoogle im gonna go back to making videos about METH now try and stop me you stupid fucking cocksuckers. Next time I need support for your shitty products I’m gonna set myself on fire and see if i have better luck than I do when reaching out to your literally nonexistent support team I’m so fucking sick of this shit i swear to god there is no bigger joke on earth than Google “support” if you tell me to browse your community forums for help one more god damn time I’m gone blow my fucking brains out how the fuck would the community be able to help with my problems I’m not fucking stupid like yeah fucking “AssholePenis95” is gonna be able to help me retrieve my Google account are you fucking kidding you me stupid fucks I’d be better off stabbing myself in the throat and I’m NOT joking literally at all. Please do us all a favor and go fucking bankrupt I’d rather lose my entire YouTube channel and career than live in a world where you turn even $1 of profit annually. Oh my god please help me I’m gonna die of heart disease if i ever have to ask you useless asswipes for help again

I’m a 42-year-old married woman and this happened last summer. I was at a work party and my coworker’s husband had been flirting with me all night. My own husband was busy talking to someone else, so when this guy offered to walk me to my car I said yes.

We got to my car and instead of saying goodbye he stepped closer. Before I could think straight his hand was on my waist and we were kissing. It was hungry and desperate. His hand slid up my dress and he fingered me right there in the parking lot while I moaned into his mouth. I came hard on his fingers, shaking against my car.

I drove home with my panties soaked and my heart racing, feeling like the dirtiest wife alive. I still think about it when I masturbate. Has anyone else had a risky parking lot moment like this?

Every damn update from both CRK and CROB that gives him a costume, said costume gets sexier and sexier, and his tits (as in pectorals) seem to always get bigger. Even the latest costume for him reveals his chest. Is this dude becoming the number one Tumblr sexyman? Or does he go to the Dessert Paradise's gym everyday? If this is not me, then I hope Fire Spirit Cookie sleeps in these pecs and suckles them all day like a mammal offspring to its mother.

The Minions, the small yellow characters from the Despicable Me franchise, are portrayed as beings who instinctively follow the most powerful villain they can find. Over the course of the films, they are humorously shown participating in exaggerated historical events, often accidentally causing chaos. This has led to countless internet jokes suggesting that the Minions were present throughout major moments in history. One of the most controversial extensions of this joke is the claim that they could have been responsible for the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. While this idea is entirely fictional and has no basis in reality, it can be examined as a thought experiment by comparing the Minions' established behavior with what is shown in their films.

According to the fictional backstory presented in the Minions movies, the Minions have existed for millions of years and have repeatedly attached themselves to ambitious or villainous leaders. They are depicted as serving characters such as a T. rex, a caveman, and several famous historical villains. However, the films consistently portray them as incompetent. Their attempts to help usually end in slapstick accidents that cause their masters to fail rather than succeed.
This pattern suggests that the Minions are capable of creating chaos, but not of carrying out carefully organized plans. Their actions are impulsive, disorganized, and largely accidental.

The September 11 attacks required years of planning, coordination, secrecy, and technical training by the terrorist organization that actually carried them out. The Minions, by contrast, struggle with even simple instructions. Throughout the films they become distracted by food, music, and shiny objects, frequently undermining their own objectives.
Because of these personality traits, it is difficult to imagine the Minions successfully maintaining the discipline necessary for a complex real-world operation. Their behavior makes them better suited to cartoon mishaps than calculated criminal activity.

If the Minions somehow appeared in a fictional parody of history, it is more likely that they would accidentally interfere with a villain's plans rather than successfully execute them. A typical Minion story would involve them misunderstanding orders, pressing the wrong buttons, arguing over bananas, or unintentionally causing the villains to fail in spectacular fashion.
This interpretation is much more consistent with the tone of the films, where the Minions create comedy through clumsiness instead of intentional destruction.

anybody else do this when you smoke too much meth? or take too much molly? or snort too much addy and coke?

can’t stop spinning my schlong around and giving it a light smack every few seconds? it’s comforting and it’s hard to resist when tweaking or rolling?

they call me the peter poker and the slug slapper.

the ball sack beater the sausage slugger the weiner whirler the cock clapper the penis paddler the nut nabbler the scrotum swinger

I always had this gross habit where if my nutsack itches, I’ll scratch it and then immediately sniff my fingers after to see what it smells like. I know it’s nasty, but it’s one of those habits I do without even thinking.

So one day I was at work sitting in my office on the computer, just answering emails and doing normal work stuff. It was a quiet day, my door was open, and I wasn’t really expecting anyone to come by.

Then my ballsack started itching really bad. Without thinking, I reached inside my pants and scratched it for like 5 seconds. After that, I pulled my hand out and smelled my fingers like I always do. And I let out this big sigh of relief through my mouth.

I didnt ​bothe​r looking up or checking if anyone was around because I thought I was alone.

Then I looked up and my boss was standing right in front of my office.

Her eyes were wide open and she looked extremely shocked. She didn’t say a single word. It was just dead silent for a few seconds. My face turned bright red and I started stuttering like an idiot. The only thing I could say was, “I can explain.”

But there was literally nothing to explain.

She just turned around and walked away without saying anything.

Now every time I see her at work, I feel like she remembers exactly what she saw, and I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to act normal around her again.