u/GabagoolGoomar

You know, I've always thought the "body positivity" message was dumb and unnecessary, but after reading stuff like this I realize women just can't win. No matter what they look like someone will be there to tell them they are ugly. Well I've had enough. You can call this white knighting, I don't care. Women of the world, listen to my message. No matter what you look like, no matter your bust size, your BMI, your hair color, or your race, know this:

I am sad and lonely enough to have sex with any and all of you.

Seriously. I am a 27 year old virgin, and frankly I find all human beings in possession of a vagina to be attractive, no matter what shape their body is. Pear? Apple? Cantaloupe? Even some weird banana shape? I don't care a lick about that. As long as you a) have a vagina and b) consent to having sex with me I will convince myself you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Even if you have no business even being photographed by security cameras, I will tell you that you should be a model. I am just that lonely.

We need to get past all the hate, all the judgment. Why bring all this negativity into the world? I want women to know that they could have two lazy eyes and no teeth, their hair could be falling out and their body could exert a powerful gravitational pull due to its mass and I would so be into that. Yes. I am that desperate. I have no standards at this point. I just want to have sex with something, anything, gah even a male at this point just fuck me already JESUS. You could be a racist or something. I would. Not. Care.

Take solace, ladies. Maybe not everyone will find you attractive, but someone will. I will, absolutely. You could be 110 years old, and as long as the plumbing works I'd still do you. Am I thirsty? You bet. At this point I'm almost thirty and I've never had a drink. How would YOU feel?

So next time you're feeling down in yourself, remember that. Remember there's someone out there who is so lonely and so pathetic that he will love you for you.

Let me preface by saying I wasn't born a Jehovah's Witness. But I was very interested and deeply researched this goddamn cult. Did yall know how this fucking thing got started? Because some idiot in the 1800s reeeeally thought he could find the date of the Apocalyse from the Bible. Watch Knowing Better on youtube

As a kid, we are who we are. When we're adults, throughout our whole life, we get away from ourselves. When you were a kid, you did everything for yourself. When the kids are playing a video game, one of them asks, hey, can I play the game? They don't give it to him because they wanna play the game. They're being themselves. But when three adults are playing a video game, one of them says, hey, can I play some level? The guy says, oh yeah, sure, but actually, deep down inside, he knows he's gonna talk bad about him later because he actually wants to keep playing the game, but he didn't comply with himself. He tried to get away from himself. But when you're older, you actually start doing things the way they are to yourself that the society just doesn't care about that so much at all. When you're a young adult man, you just hide the fact that you love video games from everybody you have, and you would think it would be too cringe to appear on a YouTube video about video games. But when you get older, you say, man, it's just not that big a deal. Nobody cares that much. I'm just gonna be myself and get on that show. You come back to being yourself.

Edit: Man I was sooo high when I wrote this