u/librarylady1980 — reddlx

Next Door

Saw a post about FB Marketplace being a source of acting out for them, and it reminded me of something I discovered and wanted to alert everyone to. NextDoor has listings for escorts and "massage" parlors. It's not overt, and you have to search the proper terms (use your imagination of what might be professional sounding terms for these things), but it's there. And there are people who post asking for help with things, and the language is coded for swingers or has pics of upside down pineapples. (And for my husband, just reading posts from lonely housewives saying their husbands ignored them and they needed help with this or that, made my husband, ever seeking validation, ride in as the white knight to save them. Oh so helpful nice guy! 🙄)

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u/librarylady1980 — 23 hours ago

▲ 3 r/loveafterporn

CSAT is addict?

Is it ok to ask a CSAT who you are considering for therapy if they are a recovering PA/SA themselves? Are they allowed to disclose that? Is that protected info? I like how Steve and Mark on D2C openly and freely admit that.

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u/librarylady1980 — 1 day ago

▲ 39 r/loveafterporn

Half In, Half Out

D2C / PBSE2 just speaks so much truth. This is exactly how my husband deceived me and his CSAT and his sponsor and his SAA group for 7 years of "recovery". He did allllll the things, checked all the boxes, but lied about THIS stuff and manipulated my reality. His heart was never fully in it. He wasn't trying to kick the addiction's ass, he was just trying to manage it better. Everyone said don't listen to his words (because they lie and lack integrity), but watch his actions. And on the surface, his actions were all correct. Then I read that he should be becoming a better man, be more present, be more empathetic and compassionate to me, build safety for me, protect me. And superficially, yet again, he did that to an extent. But it was all very superficial. I didn't understand until these last few months the DEPTH that TRUE recovery entails and creates. It was only when I was sobbing for two days straight, thinking back to something he had done years ago with acting out, and he walked away from me and ignored me, that I realized something was very very wrong and that a man in recovery/who had worked recovery would not walk away like that. A man in true recovery would have leaned into my emotions, held them, shouldered them with me, owned them as the one who created that trauma, and stepped up. This is when I went on the hunt again and discovered the past 7 years of "recovery" had been a lie. He had always kept that door open. And in short order, it had led right back to the same old patterns and behaviors.

Ladies, do not compromise. Take nothing less than FULL commitment that they themselves initiate and work fully and truthfully as if their life depends on it. Because it does.

https://www.daretoconnectnow.com/post/half-in-half-out-recovery-he-says-he-s-changing-but-keeps-the-addiction-door-cracked-open

u/librarylady1980 — 10 days ago

▲ 45 r/loveafterporn

Porn Rot Brain

Still having to deal with my husband until the divorce, logistics to be worked out. He has fried his brain so much with porn/sex/lust and the cheap dopamine, that he cannot remember anything or do anything. I don't know how he even holds his job down (which he shouldn't, since he was using work issued equipment during work hours to watch the sex scenes on Game of Thrones which is against company policy). He hasn't had a full night's sleep in at least 10 years, so he runs on autopilot. He has forgotten in the past to turn off the stove before he left the house, he has left the house with candles burning, he has numerous times left and did not lock the house, he has forgotten to feed the dog. Both of his moms parents had Alzheimer's, and even the studies showing the porn usage speeds up the process by which dementia occurs has not deterred him from this. It's truly pathetic.

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u/librarylady1980 — 11 days ago