u/lichtundblindheittt

I posted here about a month ago when I was absolutely terrified about putting my 18.5-year-old cat Miles through another surgery on his paw, and everyone was so kind to me. I was so sure that eventually I’d come back with a happy update saying his paw finally healed and he ended up making it through.

Unfortunately that isn’t the update I get to give.
Miles died at home on Friday, October 2. I made the impossible and painful decision to have him put to sleep.

His paw problems started back in May and turned into months of bandages, infections, surgeries, and eventually amputating a couple of toes because there was diseased tissue that simply was not going to heal on its own. Pathology eventually showed fungal/inflammatory disease in the paw too. It was a horrible summer for both of us, but I kept pushing through it because Miles was still Miles through so much of it, and I truly believed that once the paw healed we would finally get to the other side of everything. And the cruelest part is that his paw did finally heal. His bandage came off. His fur had started growing back. He was walking on his funny little bird foot. But somewhere during all of this, the rest of him started slipping away. It was slow at first and then seemed to happen very quickly.

He had CKD for years and had always been completely himself despite it, so I honestly did not understand what was happening at first. His appetite became worse and worse over the last two weeks especially. At first appetite stimulants helped. Then they helped less. Then he stopped eating his dry food altogether, even though he had always been absolutely obsessed with especially dry food. I tried mirtazapine, Elura, anti-nausea medication, Pepcid, fluids, potassium, every kind of food I could think of, warming it up, adding water, hand-feeding, coaxing him to take the first bite. Sometimes I could get calories into him, but I could not get his desire to eat back no matter what I tried and I just couldn’t believe it. I thought for sure this was fixable especially in a cat who was always so food motivated. I also assumed that it could have been any number of things he was experiencing: stress, physical restrictions, disrupted routines, but I really thought he would recover.

He had one pretty good day not long before he died where he seemed more alert and more like himself, and I clung to it so hard. But even that day he still wasn’t really eating on his own. After that he just kept getting quieter and weaker. He stopped grooming much even though I had taken off the soft collar that had prevented that for what felt like an eternity. He stopped following me around the apartment and checking on me the way he always had. He still purred for me and would eat some Temptations, but most of the little routines that made him Miles were disappearing. It was breaking my heart every day trying to understand what was wrong. I cried a lot. I know he was old but I wasn’t ready especially after months and thousands of dollars trying to fix his most apparent problem which was his paw.

His bloodwork was honestly part of what confused me so much. His creatinine wasn’t some astronomically high number. He had actually had higher kidney values before while acting completely normal. But his vet explained that his body had apparently crossed some kind of line where he was no longer compensating the way he had for years. She told me she did not think he was likely to go back to being himself. That was kind of all I needed to hear, I wanted HIM back more than anything. We tried potassium anyway because she said if it were her cat she would want to at least satisfy the question. It didn’t produce the turnaround I desperately wanted.

I could have kept trying more things. I could have hospitalized him, put in a feeding tube, kept stacking medications and fluids and hoped something eventually stuck. That is the part I am still bargaining with constantly. But by the end, he seemed tired and uncomfortable and he barely wanted to eat even the foods he loved. I realized I didn’t want to keep him alive just because it was technically possible if the price was making him spend the rest of his time being a medical project. He just wasn’t himself and he seemed so quiet. He seemed tired.

So I let him go at home.

He had a rough night before, but that morning he was comfortable on my Pendleton blanket, purring while I pet him. The vet gave us plenty of time. When she gave the first injection he went right to sleep and was even snoring. I realized this was the first time in maybe a week I had seen him so comfortable. When the vet gave the second injection I almost told her to stop, and that I changed my mind. I still wanted to fight for him until the end. But instead I just watched her give the second one that would stop his heart. I couldn’t believe it. I held him in my lap afterward for a long time. I touched his paws, cleaned the gunk from his eyes one last time, kissed him over and over, and cut off a little piece of my hair to send with him because I couldn’t stand the idea of him going anywhere without part of me (I stole this idea from someone else on this sub so thank you to that person!).

I told him I was sorry I couldn’t save him. I told him I loved him more than anything. I told him he had to keep watching out for me. I told him I just wanted more time with him and I’ll never ever forget him. I begged him not to leave me.

Miles was with me for 18.5 years, almost half my life. I got him when I was 20 and miserable. He changed my idea of what a perfect cat could be. He was not really a cuddler, but he always wanted to be in the same room as me. He had to be directly in front of me while I played games, usually on his little pad on my coffee table, because apparently watching me from the couch was unacceptable. He checked on me while I worked. He reminded me when the feeder was about to go off and sometimes led me to it so I could participate in the ritual of food appearing. He made sure I was in bed at night and sat by my feet until he was absolutely sure I wasn’t going anywhere before going to his own spot. When I would sit at my vanity, he would protest me (presumably) leaving by meowing at me and then sitting on my bed to watch as I got ready. He would greet me at the door, lick my hands, yell at me, smell my food even if he didn’t want it, get offended if I took a nap, and make this funny little “oh! it’s her!” bounce when I walked past a doorway he was watching, like he was hoping it was me. He would beg for pets and treats and if I was distracted he would try to knock my phone or controller out of my hands. I used to hear him getting water in the middle of the night every hour or so and it was such a tiny, ordinary sound that I never imagined I would miss this much.

One of my favorite stories about him is one that a friend who was cat sitting him for me told me. She said she came in and fed him, did the litter box and all and he did his little greeting (he would escort company, and even me, through the hall after greeting you at the door and did NOT like it when you would try to walk ahead of him) and relaxed and took a nap etc. while she hung out with him for a few hours. He woke up and abruptly walked over to the door and just stood there, as if to say, “Well? You’re not my person and I know that so you can go if we’re all set here and you’re not planning on bringing her.” He never went by the door ever when I was home. I just thought that was so cute. He was really particular and it was such an honor to be his favorite person.

There will never be another Miles. He was so, so special. I loved him with all my heart and I hope, more than anything, that he knew how much I loved him. He was so smart, and funny, and weird.

It has only been a couple of days and I am having a really hard time. The sadness feels constant. I feel like I need to cry all the time and sometimes I can feel it sitting right there inside me, but the tears just won’t come. I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep coming home to an empty apartment and somehow it feels worse every time. I still turn the volume down because he didn’t like things too loud. I still close doors carefully. I still expect to hear his claws on the floor or his creaky little meow from the doorway.

I miss him so much that I don’t really know what to do with myself. I’m trying to put away his things because if I don’t I know I will be caught off guard and expect to see him come around the corner. And that will hit me like a bus.

I know I made the decision because I did not want him to keep declining until there was nothing good left, while I simultaneously became more frantic and exhausting myself even further trying to find some way for him to get his personality and spirit back. I know he was tired. I know I tried very, very hard to get him better. I’m just still trying to convince the part of my brain that keeps asking whether I should have tried harder or waited longer.

I wanted to come back here and share because so many of you were so kind to me when I was terrified about his surgery, and because you understood that an old cat can still be someone’s entire world. He really was mine.

Goodbye, Miles, my little prince. I will miss you terribly for the rest of my life. I will always look for you in everything. I love you.

I could really use some support because I feel completely emotionally exhausted and I don’t know how to stop worrying about my cat.

Miles is 18, but outside of this problem he has had a genuinely good quality of life. He’s always been extremely food motivated, social with me, vocal, opinionated, affectionate, and very involved in whatever I’m doing. He normally checks on me throughout the day, bugs me about meals, follows routines very closely, and generally has a huge personality.

This all started with what looked like a tiny puncture/abscess on his front paw in the spring. Since May he has been through antibiotics, repeated cleaning and vet visits, weeks in a cone, one surgery in July to debride and close the wound, then another revision surgery with a specialist in early August when it became clear the area was mechanically reopening when he put weight on it. After that he spent weeks in a rigid splint/cast because they were trying to keep the repair immobilized long enough to heal.
The awful part is that before the second surgery, and even immediately afterward, Miles was still basically himself. He ate normally, cared about food, interacted with me, etc. Several days into Clavamox after that surgery, his appetite suddenly dropped. Around the same time he went into the big splint. The antibiotic has been stopped for weeks now, but although he is eating again, he still has not completely returned to his normal baseline.
He will eat wet food, including a completely normal meal recently, and he’s eating some dry food voluntarily again. He takes treats. He got excited when I shook the treat bag. He asked me for some of my yogurt bar, gives me slow blinks, purrs, and even tried to groom my hand after accidentally biting me at the vet yesterday. So I know he is still in there.

But he is so much quieter than he normally is. He doesn’t initiate meals or come looking for me nearly as often. He rests a lot and I’m constantly going to him instead of him coming to me. That is the part that is breaking my heart. I feel lonely even though he’s right there because I miss having my little companion constantly interacting with me.

Last week his cast and stitches finally came off and I thought we were at the finish line. Instead, the one stubborn area of the paw opened again. Yesterday the specialist explained that there is a toe/bone in the exact area that seems to be mechanically preventing the skin from staying closed. He thinks the best chance of permanently solving this is surgery tomorrow to remove that outer toe/ray, along with the dewclaw because they suspect it may have contributed to the original puncture. His main weight-bearing toes will remain, they expect him to walk normally, and he keeps his leg.

The alternative is basically more bandaging and waiting indefinitely to see whether the same area somehow heals on its own, even though we have already been waiting and watching this fail for months. So intellectually, the surgery makes sense to me. I don’t want a stupid localized paw wound to be the reason his life ends when there is a realistic treatment for it.

But emotionally I am terrified. It is another anesthesia, $4,000, and they are estimating at least three more weeks of bandage changes afterward. I am so tired. I have been organizing my entire life around his paw for months, constantly watching his food, his bandage, his behavior, driving back and forth to appointments, worrying about every tiny change. I feel like I haven’t had my normal life or my normal cat in forever.

The hardest part is wondering what exactly I am preserving if his old personality doesn’t come back. I desperately do NOT want to euthanize him over this paw. When the surgeon basically said, “you don’t want to put him down over this,” that was exactly it. I want Miles to get through this and have another summer sitting in the sun, grooming himself again, growing all his shaved fur back, jumping around, yelling at me about food, and being his annoying wonderful self.

But I’m scared another surgery will wear him down more instead of bringing him back. I’m scared I’m being too aggressive because I can’t bear to lose him. At the same time, I’m scared that giving up now would mean ending his life over something potentially fixable when he is still eating, affectionate, interested in treats, mobile, and having good moments.

I just feel completely defeated and incredibly sad. I want someone to tell me that it is possible for an older cat to go through a prolonged medical ordeal like this, get the underlying problem finally fixed, and actually come back to themselves afterward. I miss him so much even though he is sitting right next to me.

Hi all! I’m mostly looking for similar experiences and questions to ask my vet, not a diagnosis. Also note that the paw pad you can see in the photo is *not the paw with the issue*, it’s the opposite one facing down. I’m really squeamish and can’t take a photo of the paw without feeling nauseous 😭 The photo is just for cat tax purposes!

My cat Miles is 18 and has been dealing with a stubborn wound/infection around his left front carpal pad/dewclaw area for a little over a month. He is acting pretty normal overall: eating, drinking, peeing/pooping, purring, asking for treats/Churu, and moving around. But the paw itself has been very slow and frustrating.

Timeline:
April 11: I noticed the paw was bleeding, but it closed/stopped later that day.
April 21: Took him to the vet. The vet picked at it, saw pus, and confirmed it had gotten infected. He was given Convenia. After that, the paw closed again and I thought all was well.
May 11: I noticed surface irritation on the paw. It looked red and maybe sticky, with litter crust stuck to it.
May 12: The paw opened again and was clearly infected.
May 13: Vet did a culture to see what bacteria it was and advised monitoring while waiting for results.
May 20: Culture confirmed staph. He got another Convenia injection, and I put him in a soft flower collar after confirming he could not lick the paw with it on.
May 23: Paw still looked inflamed, so I took him to urgent vet. They cleaned it and advised keeping him strictly collared until the paw heals. He has had it on 24/7 ever since and has not had an opportunity to lick it.
June 3/4: Regular vet cleaned the paw again and tried to glue it shut because it did not look infected anymore. He got Convenia again and got the area cleaned twice. X-rays/radiology were reassuring: no bone involvement, no foreign body seen, and no suspected cancer/malignant tissue. Debridement was brought up as a possibility if it won’t heal.
June 21/today: Still seeing discharge/spotting. This has been reopening/spotting fairly consistently since it reopened on May 12.

Current situation: there is no pus anymore, no bad smell, and the swelling has improved a lot. The paw looks much less swollen than it did at its worst. But it still leaves clear/serous discharge and sometimes small blood transfer marks, especially on pee pads, stairs, rugs, or after he uses the paw awkwardly. It is not heavy bleeding and not constantly wet at rest, but it still is not fully closed.

I know second-intention healing can be non-linear and messy, especially on a paw. I’m just trying to understand whether I should mentally prepare for debridement surgery if this is ever going to close, or whether there is still reasonable hope that a few more weeks of strict collar protection/time could allow it to finally seal. I’m nervous about the surgery because of his age.

For anyone who has dealt with a stubborn cat paw wound, especially in a senior cat:
Did it eventually close with time/collar protection?
How long did it take before it stopped spotting?

If your cat needed debridement, did it help?

Were they able to close it with sutures, or did it still have to heal open/by second intention?

Are there questions you wish you had asked your vet before deciding?

My biggest goal is getting him safely out of the collar and back to a normal quality of life. I understand the paw may still need monitoring, but the collar affects how he moves, eats, grooms, uses the litter box, and rests, so I’m trying to understand what path realistically gets us there. Aside from this, he is pretty healthy! He has CKD but it has stabilized earlyish with diet correction, and arthritis but we are managing that with Solensia and so far that has been working well for him.

TL;DR: My 18-year-old cat has had a wound around his left front carpal pad/dewclaw area for a little over a month. A staph infection was confirmed and treated, and recent exams/X-rays have been reassuring (no bone involvement, foreign body, or suspected cancer). The wound no longer has pus, odor, or major swelling, but it continues to intermittently reopen and leave small amounts of clear/serous discharge and occasional blood spotting. My main question is whether this pattern suggests debridement may be needed, or whether more time and strict collar protection could still reasonably allow it to heal fully. Seeking any similar experiences or suggestions. I love him very much and this has been very stressful for us.