My coach beat me for 5 years. My parents didn't believe me. Now I've gained 40 kg and hate myself.
Trigger warning: >!Physical abuse, bullying, eating disorder, emotional abuse.!<
Post:
Hi everyone. This is my first post, and I just need to get this off my chest.
I'm 18 (almost 19). I haven't played volleyball in 3.5 years, but the aftermath of my coach will probably stay with me forever.
At 10, my parents made me pick a sport. There was only one volleyball club in my town. I never missed a practice — 6 days a week. My coach was hot‑headed and aggressive. I was scared of her, but I actually liked the sport.
Because I was persistent, she took me to an out‑of‑town tournament six months later (10 hours away). I was over the moon — but not for long.
At the tournament, she kept yelling that we had no discipline. We lost game after game, and she got angrier every day.
On day three, I made a stupid mistake. She called a timeout, started screaming, then punched me as hard as she could in the solar plexus. It was incredibly painful. They sent us back out — my stomach hurt, and the yelling continued.
That's when my personal hell began. It lasted 5 years.
I didn't tell my parents after the tournament (I don't know why). My coach realized I wouldn't fight back — that she could do whatever she wanted. She beat me at every practice: with her hands, fists, jump rope, belt, even soccer cleats. And she constantly called me a fat, clumsy elephant.
After two years, my teammates and I decided to file a complaint. I told my dad, but he said it was stupid and not to do it. He didn't know about the beatings — I hadn't told him.
Still, I became the main striker. But the better I played, the more she beat and humiliated me. Especially after I gained 10 kg during COVID and couldn't lose it. Around the same time, my dad lost his job (he's a narcissist, but I was used to it). Money was tight. I switched schools and failed 8th grade.
We went to the biggest competition of my life — national level. We lost again and again. My coach humiliated me even more and hit me hard in the stomach several times.
I decided to quit. No support, bad grades. My dad was completely against it. So I finally told him I was being physically and verbally abused. No one believed me.
I quit anyway. My whole family judged me. They made me pick another sport, but I didn't want any. By then, I had been volunteering for two years — and I actually loved it. But my family didn't support me. They just hinted that I needed to lose weight (even though my weight stayed the same after quitting sports).
Then I had a huge fight with my dad, and my weight started skyrocketing. I've gained 40 kg in three years. I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate my life. I'm ashamed of myself.
Thank you for reading. Feel free to ask questions — I'll answer what I can. This was the short version. If anything needs clarifying, just ask. I just needed to let out the pain.
Take care, everyone ❤️