I (30 F) need guidance on navigating returning nervous system deregulation.
I have come a long way in my journey with this. There was a point where I could barely go to the store. I kept getting sudden feelings of being completely exposed and stared at. I felt like i needed to cover my self up in layers of clothes and blankets. In my head, I felt like i was being watched or chased. I also get what feels like a wave of zig zag static pulsing in my chest. For months and months this happened almost 24/7. I couldn't keep a job, i got hospitalized again. It was rough, but it was 10 years ago. I haven't had any real struggle with that again until recently.
I had a panic attack yesterday. One of the more intense ones. It was like the anxiety had just slowly built throughout the day. When I got home, the feeling in my chest started up. It feels like my heart is racing, but its usually only beating hard. My doctor said the feeling was actually the nerves in my ribcage being completely overstimulated and firing off, because my body is always in a state of hyper vigilance, even if I don't realize it.
The "regular" anxiety has popped up slightly more often, which doesnt affect me much. But I am now on day 2 of heavy physically presenting anxiety and disassociation. It wasnt bad this morning. It really didnt start until I got home from work around 6:00pm. Now I dont even feel cognitively well enough to drive. I cant stop thinking a million miles a minute, yet my brain feels frozen and in a fog. My chest feels like electricity or like when when your skin gets so cold it burns, but IN my ribs and sternum. My skin is itchy (this is new and has only started when the rest of the physical symptoms get worse). Every single feeling in and on my body feel multiplied by a thousand, and its just stressing me out more. Every hair that brushes against my skin. every spot on my legs that is touching the blanket. The pieces of hair moving at my scalp when I shift even the slightest bit. My cat just came up to me and even him brushing up against me makes me want to scream and lock myself in the bathroom. Even the sound of him licking his fur is too much.
I have a decent understanding of what is happening and why. I didnt fully recover from yesterday so any little thing could have tipped me off again (I did have some stressful car troubles). But my nervous system hasn't been this sensitive in a very long time. Its embarrassing. Im usually high functioning.
One thing I thought about, but kind of discounted, was that I was talking with someone about my childhood abuse a few days ago. At the time, I didnt feel any negative emotions about it. I usually can talk about it casually instead of through tears and being unable to say certain words. But Im wondering if that triggered something without me noticing. Maybe my brain just covered it up at the time so I wouldnt emotionally flood during the conversation? Idk, its a theory.
Im frustrated. I have improved so much, and my life is going very well and is mostly peacefull. I have some stressful things going on in the background, but nothing crazy in my immediate day to day. Now all of my other symptoms are starting to pop up. Am I just burnt out? I feel like Ive been burnt out for years and years. Am I manic? Whats the difference between manic and just overloaded? How to I manage the disassociation so it doesn't interfere with my job that requires driving? I feel like I know so much but so little at the same time. Any advice is appreciated. Therapy types, grounding techniques (the usual things have never been very helpful), or even link to info to help me understand whats happening a bit better.
Im sure ive left out a lot of relevant information. Ask any question you need to. I cant think very well right now
ETA: I have ADHD. Ive been taking a low dose of fast acting Adderall once a day for a year now and haven't felt any change in my anxiety because of it.