Overjoyed to find this community
I've done a lot of thinking over the years about my gender/sexual identity. It's been very tough and confusing but if think I'm finally coming to understand the majority of it. I am definitely not a man (tho AMAB, so trans) and majority of the time i feel like presenting masculine-ish but in a woman way if that makes sense. I don't like the heteronormative masculine matcho/dominate; don't talk about your feelings, lash out with violence, view people I'm attracted to as objects type "masculinity" (in have lots of quarrels with men in contemporary society but that's besides the point here).
Sometimes I like to present fem but it's rarer. I'm kind of coming around to the realization i want to be a masc-woman or butch woman.
As far as the sexuality (and by association being butch), i find 98% of men's behavior repulsive and therefore couldn't pursue a long-term relationship with them but i do find them sexually attractive in some cases. As for everyone else i can find them both sexually attractive as well as could date them long term. This relationship+attraction category also includes gender queer individuals. These could be primary vs secondary sexual attraction from the split attraction model but I'm unsure.
Therefore i kinda identify as pansexual because it's possible i could find a man that if could date and find attractive, and it sincerely has nothing to do with gender identity, it has to do more with the way society socializes males and the vast majority of their behavior. So practically I'm lesbian (non-man attracted to non-men). I doubt the possibile relationship with men more & more every day because i think in modern society to be a "man" it's hard or impossible to align with values i consider reasonable (to be comfortable dating) and not be a little queer in some way.
Coming to this understanding personally has helped me identify who i think i am: a masc/butch trans woman and lesbian- pansexual (more succinctly pan-lesbain) and homoromantic. In clearer terms: my sexual attraction is not dependent on gender, but my romantic attraction is lesbain/sapphic (or specifically excluding men).
Having thought though all of this i was distraught i would have a very hard time finding community and others like me and who i can relate my experiences too. So i am extremely happy to not only find this sub but it also be relatively active!
TLDR: I'm a masc trans-woman had very hard time reconciling her masc/woman identity and explaining her disdain for all things Hetero-normatively "man" and im happy to be here :)