Had to cut off friend for talking shit about me. Unsure if I was too immature about how I handled it... AITH?
Long time ex friend kept joking about being "friends and rivals" with me since we studied BSc together. I never really feel like I competed with him during that time, still I did better after college than hm. We are both gay and used to relate through some shady behaviours as most, but still I considered him my closest friend since I experienced a lot of first times as a young adult with him and trusted him more than anyone. Friendship got old and resentments were there out multiple dramas, but I thought we were over that and still considered him a real one.
After I came back to the country from doing graduate school abroad, we had beef again recently cause he told me through text he was hanging out for the first time with some straight ancient friends I met in middle school. I did not tell him I was in bad terms with one of them to not bias his interaction, but I did texted him a mean joke that compared this straight guy's unpretty fianceé to him since he had found him attractive. Later on he told me they had spoke shit about me to bond with each other in his shady tone, but he still loved me. This was the last drop for me.
I did not find out what exactly had he spoke of me with them but I know he can be cruel and I trusted him too much so my mind blew it out of proportion. I reacted immediately and felt betrayed. It's one thing to speak badly about third ones between friends and I know it's normal, but another is doing this to your close one to connect with some randoms. I know this is something I would not do to him, I just imagined myself throwing flowers to him when talking to other people cause I love him.
I confronted him and told him I was tired of the shadiness and I did not understand why this kind of behaviour/unloyalty does not happen to me with straight friends or more hegemonic looking/confident ones (this ex friend struggles with overweight). I told him I needed a friendship that could be always on my team/defend me when talking to others instead of stuck with this childish competition joke and he previously knew how I valued loyalty out of similar conflicts. He apologized poorly. I did feel badly for implying that he could be envious of me and apologized for the drama later on... but still this has finally ended the friendship.
Is it all my fault for relating to someone through shady codes and then expected him to be decent with me? Was I too harsh when confronting him? I sometimes miss him cause he really was there for me through a lot but I still regret not cutting him off earlier and giving him such a place in my life knowing how much of a hypocrite he can be. Now I know I took to much time to cut him off... but old friendships can carry different meanings during your mid20s