My 22 year old son disappeared without warning and won't speak to us
I, 48F, and husband 52M have 2 sons. Our youngest is 22 years old. We adopted him at 11 days old and have had a great relationship. Truly. Not trying to fluff it up or fake the happy family but we are all pretty close. We just took him on his first plane trip to FL with us on vacation in July. We were planning things. He still lived with us and we have had to get on him a bit about getting started in life. If you don't want to go to college, fine, then pick a job. We have been lacks with him, letting him not work and just sit in his room etc. He finally had a job and was going well but they are in their slow period and he hasn't worked in weeks. (I did call and verify this after the events of this past week.)
Last year when he turned 21, he of course wanted to drink some. No problem we are not super strict. Just the usual rules. No drinking and driving etc. No getting hammered alone in your room and then thumping around all night, waking us up. After several months it got a little out of hand and we had a Come to Jesus with him and said no alcohol in the house if he can't control himself. We had several lighter conversations prior to this one. His bio family has severe addiction issues so I have been open and honest with him since they started talking about it in school. No topic is off limits in our family.
So we thought things were better. No more late nights falling down, no apparent drinking. In February we were out of town and he tried 2 edibles and had a severe reaction, heart rate in the 180s and my father took him to the ER. $4k later he was cured. Swore off those ever again. Made me stay on the phone with him from FL for over 2 hrs because he was scared and we are close.
A few weeks ago I thought I smelled alcohol on him during the day. The day after, stale alcohol. I asked him. He swore up, down and sideways that he was not drinking. And because he had always told me the truth before I STUPIDLY believed him and let it go. I did mention it 2-3 more times. Again, it was nothing.
Last weekend we had been out to dinner together. We were planning a day at the lake with friends for sunday. I woke up saturday morning as I often do to let the dogs out and he was gone. 5am. Truck gone.
Now, he is 22. If he wanted to go out, all he had to do was tell me. We have one very important family rule. Let someone know where you are and don't make us worry. I texted and called. I got him to answer once. He said he went to see a friend. He did NOT sound like he was drinking but I was angry and told him to get home. He said ok. That was the last communication I have had with him.
Whole trying to find treatment for him because he is obviously in full blown addiction (we searched his room and found over 30 bottles of alcohol, beer to liquor), a state Trooper calls me to say his truck was left abandoned alongside a road he should haven't been on and they needed to tow it because it was right in front of a runaway truck ramp. His life360 that he refuses to leave on pinging him at that location at 4:30am but up in the woods near his truck. We panic.
They towed the truck, my husband and I head to that location. A deputy meets us there. I am walking along the road looking for foot prints and screaming his name. The deputy and my husband wouldn't let me search with them for fear we were going to find him hurt or worse. I am a nurse. I had a medical bag and narcan just in case. They found nothing.
I am calling hospitals and jails, nothing. I call my oldest son and DIL who live almost 2 hrs away and they head to us immediately. I am begging for a search party, drones, anything. still texting and calling his phone trying to reach him and clear this up.
Working contacts of everyone I can think of I finally get his BFF's dad. His BFF is the worst influence but they have been friends since middle school and we have invited this kid I to our home for years, give him the things he didn't get at home. But trouble follows him. We have explained this to our son. But you can imagine. How that goes. But the BFF's dad is able to get some info for us apparently the meth head mother of BFF picked them up when the truck broke down and he is with them, a place he is not supposed to be due to drugs and law enforcement involvement. We call there, she says he is there but he refused to get on the phone. Seriously, the worst punishment this kid has ever gotten was timeout on the stairs as a child!!! He has no reason to hide from us.
Dad gives us her address and we go there. This POS and the looser BFF threatens us with trespassing and won't help at all. (Side note, my husband is a police Sargent). They give some shit about their house being a "sanctuary " for anyone. I remind BFF our house has been his sanctuary since 5th grade. He has the nerve to try to HUG ME! I told him like hell and get away. The mother is useless and high. She wanders off. They won't help us. We leave. With nothing.
We have a welfare check done later that evening. They won't answer the door. Deputy finally gets him on the phone at some point and he is a "grown man and I don't know why she (me) is acting like this all of a sudden." Wtf? We were fine. We were planning to go get info about school that monday and he had just been shopping with me.
So I have been devastated, crying. Sick all week. I didn't keep messaging him. I sent one text letting him know where he truck is and that he will owe money and they charge a daily storage fee. I told him he had until monday the 8/24/26 and I will be turning off his cell phone and canceling his truck insurance since he isn't paying it like he is supposed to anyway. His 2nd truck is in my name and I told him if he doesn't want it I will sell it to help pay him $4k medical bill. Everything he owns is here. I told him to text to set up a time to get his stuff. My husband works nights so I am alone and scared. His friend carries guns and is stupid enough to pull them out. So I am reduced to putting a pan against the door in case he does have a key and manages to open the door so I hear it. I moved the emergency key.
So what do I do now? He needs help but I can't make him take it. I hoped that seeing the dysfunction in the family he is with would make him wise up. But he is allowing us to be torn to shreds without a care in the world. In the text I did send about his stuff I told him we were searching for him and cops were getting search party together. Nothing.
We went and got boxes so if he does show up he knows we are not begging him to stay. If this is what he wants and this is how little he cares about his family then I guess I have no choice than to let him go. But I am terrified. He hasn't done drugs, he rarely left the house. But if they give him their dose of something it will kill him!!!
I told him we love him and this is always his home but I don't know what else to do. Never in a million guesses would I expect this from this kid. Who still wants me when he is sick. Who still jokes and hangs out with us. We had zero issues with him until all of this.
I would love anysuggestions, stories, processional help. Anything to get us through this. I told him if we don't hear anything by monday, we will assume he has decided to move out and will make our own plans. We did take away all the guns he has because they aren't in his name and he is not stable, plus his BFF will just get him to sell them to get $ for him he uses him and our son doesn't see it.
Please help. Thank you for reading if you made it thorough. I am just devestated.