u/littlekidkat

I look at the old people in my life and envy the fact that they will be dead way before shit hits the fan. I know they went through shit like the war or nuclear scares yada yada yada, but nothing they went through will compare to how irreparably bad things will get in my lifetime.

I wish I had the luxury of just saying, "I'm old. I feel sorry for the kids, but I'm glad I won't be here for it."

Ironic how they were the generation that could've done something but didn't, and other generations will have to pay for it.

I'm writing this as I'm on vacation with a friend. We're gonna be hiking in a couple of days. I have been filled with dread and depression from the moment I stepped into the airport. I've been collapse aware for over a year now. It's on my mind every waking moment. I'm 23 and live in a tropical country. I am guaranteed to see the worst of it unless I die early.

How am I supposed to continue living my life while everything around me falls apart and not enough people care? I saw the news of projected temperatures in Europe, how 40 people died, how animals are suffering, and honestly I am just so despondent about it.

I know people will tell me to just hold on to my community, friends, and family; that nothing is guaranteed; that there is no point in worrying about the big stuff, but I just can't help. I have anxiety (and I suspect OCD), so everything I feel is just magnified and uncontrollable.

EDIT: Hello all. Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I've read all of them and I appreciate it all. I went exploring the city today before my hike tomorrow, and despite the fun I had, there was a perpetual heaviness in my heart. I suppose I'll try every day. I have my friends, siblings, parents, and dog to think about every day, and I'll cherish them while I can. I don't know how long I have on this Earth, or how the rest of my life will go, so just trying to get by while I can.