u/littleoutsider

I posted in a subreddit for a podcast I’ve listened to for many years. It has always helped me and felt like a safe place, especially because it talks a lot about mental health.

In a recent episode, the theme was “crazy neighbors,” where listeners submit extreme and unsettling neighbor stories. At one point, one of the hosts suggested that one of these “crazy neighbors” might have BPD, and the listener seemed to agree.

The hosts do not have therapeutic expertise, and to me it felt like BPD was being used as a casual explanation for someone being irrational, unstable, or “crazy.” BPD is already heavily stigmatized, and I think a podcast with millions of listeners, especially one that often discusses mental health, should be more careful with diagnostic language. BPD is treatable, and people with BPD are not automatically dangerous or insane.

I wrote a post in the podcast subreddit asking whether anyone else with BPD felt hurt by those comments. I tried to be vulnerable, respectful, and nuanced, and I acknowledged that some people have had painful experiences with people diagnosed with BPD.

The comments were much harsher than I expected. And there were so many! There were a few kind ones, but most people responded with broad generalizations based on their own bad experiences with someone with BPD or things they had heard about us. It felt unfair and painful to see everyone with BPD stereotyped that way. Honestly, it felt like I got ripped to shreds.

Now I’m considering deleting the post. Part of me feels like deleting it means I’m backing down, but keeping it up feels triggering and makes me feel ashamed and exposed.

Has anyone else dealt with this after speaking up about BPD stigma? How do you handle the shame afterward? I’m trying to decide whether deleting the post would be self-protection, or whether I’d regret not leaving it up because I do stand by what I said.

EDIT: I’m stepping away from this thread, but I posted a reply to all the comments under the original post. Thanks for all the kind messages!

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something that really hurt me as someone with borderline personality disorder.
I’m a longtime listener of Armchair Expert, and during the Crazy Neighbors 2 segment, BPD seemed to be brought up casually as an explanation for extreme, frightening, or unstable behavior in a story that sounded more like postpartum psychosis or a serious postpartum mental health crisis.

That really upset me. Borderline personality disorder and psychosis are not the same thing, and using “borderline” in that context reinforces the harmful idea that people with BPD are dangerous, delusional, irrational, or “crazy.”

I spent ten years in therapy because of childhood abuse, years in child custody and youth homes, and the borderline diagnosis I received as a result. For many of us, BPD comes from trauma and harmful experiences that were inflicted on us by others. It is not a character flaw, and it is not a choice. It is also treatable, and many people with BPD work incredibly hard to recover, heal, and build stable lives.

Today, I am a film director, I own my own home, I have a family, and I live a stable, full, normal life — and I still have borderline personality disorder.

People with BPD are not punchlines or shorthand for “crazy” behavior. Many of us are survivors of trauma who have worked incredibly hard to heal and build meaningful lives.

I wanted to share this here because I know stigma around BPD affects many of us deeply, and I’m curious how others feel when public figures talk about BPD this way.

We deserve to be spoken about with accuracy, empathy, and respect.

EDIT: My comment keeps getting filtered so I’m posting it here

I’m stepping away from this thread now, but I wanted to clarify what I was trying to say. I appreciate the people who understood my point, and I understand that some people have had painful experiences where BPD was involved. I’m sorry to hear that. But honestly, some of the comments here have further underlined the problem I was trying to describe.

I have never hurt anyone in the way people here are describing. The person my BPD has hurt the most is me. I have adopted and trained shelter dogs, worked with terminally ill adults and children since I was a teenager, and put my life on hold to care for family members with cancer. I’m not saying this to sound perfect — I’m saying it because people with BPD are full, complex human beings, not just a stereotype.
BPD can also come with deep empathy, often for everyone but ourselves.

For many of us, the pain is deeply internal: shame, loneliness, and intense self-criticism. Many people with borderline traits are overlooked, and some do not even tell their own spouses or friends about their internal struggles because of stigma created by comments like Monicas or comments in this thread. This kind of stigma can also make people afraid to accept the diagnosis or treatment, even though BPD is treatable.

It hurts to see the most extreme examples treated as representative of the whole diagnosis.

I never claimed that people with BPD can’t hurt others, or that anyone’s experiences are invalid. My point was that BPD should not be used as shorthand for being irrational, unstable, harmful, or incapable of growth.

More than 80 million people worldwide are estimated to have BPD. Generalizing and stigmatizing millions of people based on rumors, stereotypes, or personal experiences is not right. And public figures like Dax and Monica - with millions of listeners - should not further add to the stigma!