SIL trying to mother my baby even while sat in a different continent
My husband (32M) and I (35F) recently became parents to a baby boy. Ours relationship faced years of resistance from his family, and they only accepted our marriage after learning about my pregnancy (to be specific, after finding out the baby was a boy).
I'm three weeks postpartum and my SIL (28, single) has become extremely involved ever since the baby was born, despite never having built any real relationship with me. During my pregnancy, she never checked in on me, and she didn't even congratulate me after delivery. I figured out that the burden of building and maintaining the relationship was on me, so I stopped making the effort of initiating conversations after a certain point. I was in my third trimester and had better things to focus on.
She frequently calls my husband demanding video access to the baby. Two days postpartum, she said, “this is everyone’s baby, not just one or two people’s.” She constantly gives medical advice even though both my husband and I are doctors, and my father is a paediatrician. She critiques how I dress my newborn and her recent concern is that my 20 day old baby is too attached to me. His family has been video calling three to four times a day.
My husband recognises that her behaviour bothers me and now wears headphones during her calls so I don’t have to hear them. He says this level of involvement is cultural and that we should just ignore it because we don’t actually follow her advice. Still, I find the entitlement intrusive, especially since she has also tried to police my social media posts by complaining to my husband about my pregnancy announcement and wedding anniversary posts.
It's funny that she wants a relationship with my son, all the while ignoring my existence. My husband tries to make the situation better by repeatedly mentioning during every call how the baby is attached to me.
My MIL has actually been respectful whenever we speak, although she also never initiated contact postpartum. Honestly, i preferred minimum contact and a peaceful recovery, but my husband is on cloud 9 after his family's approval, he's over involving them, even at the cost of my discomfort.
We’re planning to visit India in September, which will be the first time his family meets our baby. At this point, I prefer to keep interactions minimal and maintain firm boundaries.
I’m curious whether others (especially those in intercultural marriages) have dealt with a sudden shift from indifference to over involvement after having a child, and how you managed it.
TLDR. SIL being intrusive and overwhelmingly involved in the life of my baby. The husband can't say much openly because of recent family acceptance. I'm dealing with emotions that I shouldn't have had to face this early in my postpartum phase. How can I tackle this?