u/livelylittlerodent

Curious to hear from other women. I am in my 30's diagnosed with myelofibrosis, transitioned from ET since adolescence. My period was super heavy to start, gradually got lighter, now since starting Jakafi in March, it had been very light until this cycle. I just saw my oncologist last week. HGB was 11.1, which is highest it has been since February. I don't know if this should concern me or not? I have a habit of getting my concerns dismissed by doctors. Would this be a sign of a "healthy bone marrow response" or going to tank my HGB? My body is depleting its iron stores. I worry about burning through my reserves and needing transfusions, is that an actual valid concern for a menstruating woman with this condition, or health anxiety?

I am a 30 something woman. I started getting into Jungian thought about a year ago, I've read Man and His Symbols so far, which really fascinated me. I've got a couple more Jungian books in my backlog to read. Anyway, I thought for sometime that I was a very egotistical woman. Not in a way that is "typical" of other women, like I never cared for the glamor, girly girl things, I simply wanted to mog. This drove me in the gym to develop an elite physique, not for my own vanity, just to mog other women. I was deeply hurt as a child by my mother and other female abusers, so I had a very negative view of women/the feminine well into adulthood. I think it touched my sexuality as well because I hated the idea of being "dominated", like I should be the dominant one. Even though I like men and am married happily now. This really bothered me when I was younger and I didn't engage with men sexually, sure I wanted to capture the envy of the women, make them think I could/would take their man, but it was just a power thing. I had no real sexual interest.

Then in my career I was hurt again. My workplace was 75% female, most of the management was women. It was a toxic workplace. How did I strike back? I had to mog them. I had to work harder than everyone, BE better than all of them in the metrics that mattered to ME, performance, domination, competition. I would dog these sorry women just to do it. Because their egos offended me so I had to show them I could play their game better. Even thr men weren't safe. I became an island. I didn't care for anyone. No smalltalk. Crybaby department manager in my backroom trying to interrupt my freight management with small talk? Completely ignored, tell her she got 2 pallets to fucking work and I could have had em done in the time she was bumping her gums.

I got away from that situation thankfully and am trying to heal for my husband. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.

I healed myself with no help from psychiatry. I used to post here before a lot under another username. It doesn't matter. I've been reading a lot lately. A lot of Jung and Laing. I'm so angry that the work of R.D. Laing has been suppressed. Reading The Divided Self was a breakthrough for me. But why has Laing's genius been shunned?? The DSM-III in the year of our Lord 1980.

Why is this so significant and what does it have do with ME??? Because Laing and his cohorts were doing something very radical. They theorized that a lot of cases of "mental illness" was someone brought up in a highly dysfunctional family system, forcing them to adapt to a toxic environment, which thus appears as "mental illness" to someone outside of the family system. I knew this as a child but the adults mocked me. I was making excuses, playing victim. These are mental health "professionals" saying this to teenage me, mind you. Because in 1980, the DSM-III came out and American psychiatry was clear: the biomedical model was God now. Double-binds? Abuse?? Trauma?? Smoke from faulty wiring! Take this Abilify and shut up.

Yes, I, an abused, traumatized child was forced to take Abilify at 14 years old. This was my induction into psychiatry. It was made clear to me: I was a child, nothing I said mattered, adults were LAW. It brings me so much joy to triumph over them now 2 decades later, after 30+ meds and inpatient stays, 3 rounds of ECT, and these idiots with the hammer just kept pounding away.

But I was right.

I was always right.

And now I am healed without them. I followed them to their logical conclusion. It is perfectly clear to me. Bipolar disorder! First. Schizophrenia! Well how does that happen?? How does someone with social anxiety become a full blown schizophrenic under psychiatric care?? How does this work?? Rhetorical question.

Do your shadow work and fuck psychiatry.

EDIT: I remember the awful nurse practioner who put me on Abilify. She never said why or what for. They were concerned with my "conduct". I remember she her office was decked out with Abilify swag, this was literally right after it got put on the market and it was NOT FDA APPROVED for children. I remember taking it a few times and it made me feel like a zombie. That terrible person BAKER ACTED me when I told her I didn't want to take it. I made ZERO threats against myself or anyone. They let me out the next morning because the inpatient psychiatrist realized that was was BS, but still. I was forcefully taken by the police to a hospital, made to strip by a rude fucking nurse for no reason into a gown, like that's literally the only time I've had to strip in front of them?? I have been Baker Acted DOZENS of times as an adult and they did not force me to strip so fucking rudely, yet real big and bad with a scared 14 year old girl! I was abused and neglected by my parents and other adults either completely fucking ignored me outright, or treated me like pond scum for NO REASON. Very strange.

I have myelofibrosis. Grade 2 fibrosis. Taking Jakafi for 2 months now. My insurance made me go to the Mayo Clinic for a BMT consultation. I waited months and they didn't even have all of my records. I've heard Dr. Kukyendall is the top MPN expert in Florida. My appointment is in a few weeks.