Need some positivity (postpartum cystocele)
I‘m 8 months postpartum (first baby) with a cystocele that impacts me daily. I was only 27 when I vaginally gave birth to my baby. I was induced and in labour for 17 long and excruciating hours. His head was big and he had his fist balled up next to it so I kept pushing for a while but nothing happened. Ultimately they did an episiotomy which then progressed into a third degree tear. Afterwards I felt mostly fine but when I went on first short walks around 2 weeks postpartum, I realized something was off. I had a lot of pressure down there and felt like all of my organs were going to fall out or I had a tampon stuck. My gyn had a look while I was on my back and said everything looked normal so I went back home and rested some more.
After a while, it still didn‘t get better so I went to a pelvic floor physical therapist at 3 months postpartum. She examined me lying down and standing, did an ultrasound and told me I have a cystocele grade 2-3. I‘ve been doing my exercises ever since but wanted to get a pessary to be able to relieve symptoms while on a walk etc. Got a cube pessary that didn‘t fit (kept moving) and went to a new gyn that specialised in pelvic floor. She said my pelvic floor muscle is really strong and doesn‘t need any more exercising as it‘s probably more on the overactive side. She also fitted me a new hybrid pessary and gave me some estrogen creme. I‘ve been using the creme and pessary for around two weeks now but have noticed a new symptom around 3 days ago. I‘ve never had any incontinence or bladder pressure etc. but now I constantly feel the need to pee. When I go, I feel like my bladder fully empties but the feeling of having to pee remains. Sometimes it also feels like I’m about to pee myself/can’t hold it in. I‘m wondering if maybe the new pessary has irritated my bladder or if it‘s the cream or the combination of the two. I‘m also kind of freaking out at the idea that the cystocele has gotten worse now. I‘m pretty sure it‘s not a UTI as I‘ve had that a few times before and it felt totally different.
I’m slowly starting to get quite depressed because it seems to not get better but worse. I‘ve been tolerating this for 8 long months now but still can‘t live life normally. I can‘t carry my baby, can‘t go on longer walks, can’t workout, can‘t lift things or do household tasks properly and it drives me crazy. I don‘t enjoy life at the moment and feel like I‘m losing hope. All the moms around me meet up and go on stroller/carrier walks and just live this new life while I‘m stuck at home alone with my baby.