u/ljafterhrs

has anyone else had the hope of entering a specific field, do their internship in it, and realize it’s not for them? i dreamt of being a suds counselor and have been interning for my practicum since march and i cannot wait to be done. i’m so sad over it and feel
useless at times, but also very taken advantage of. i know that part of being an intern is some grunt work but i can’t help but feel like all the tasks that people don’t want are thrown at me.

and that’s not even touching on the emotional burden of seeing your colleagues relapse. just yesterday i come into that and being told that next week i will be trained for one assessment and then be expected to pick up everyone else’s slack because i’ve only got my group and no caseload.

i expressed some concerns (i.e. maybe i should be watched by my supervisor first before left alone with an intake? and it was pretty much shrugged off.) worst part is that’s not even my supervisor’s plan, she has told me she doesn’t want to do that to me because i’m still new and developing those skills to not get triggered/overly emotional. she wanted me to sit in on at least four of hers before putting me in the driver seat :/

i then asked why my group had a whole overhaul and i was left with seven people in it while the other section had over 30. that counselor, and i mean this in the least childish way, got her way and i was expected to just tolerate it. yesterday i had clients who are meant to be in the other section nearly beg to stay in mine because there was no space for them in the other and i had to decline their request and i felt awful about it.

i know a lot of this is a learning curve and unfortunately the sad reality of being a suds counseling intern in a deeply flawed system. however i’m also looking for advice from my fellow sw students on how they’ve navigated similar situations. i have my own therapist and she is incredible but we’ve both come to the realization that the gentle reminders and kindness when i advocate for myself doesn’t go far with my team.

i feel like when i am more soft spoken and have quieter days like yesterday, they voice their concern. and they do. yesterday our cs asked me in front of the team if i was having second thoughts on my practicum because i was having a quiet day. when i said absolutely not just having an sleepy & off day! that wasn’t enough and i felt obligated to share the things i went through over the weekend. i know i’m a bubbly big personality but out of three months and only two quieter days and that’s the treatment i get?

i guess i’m just struggling to find my voice & how i want to present myself there. i know i’m good at what i do, hell the clients are aware i’m an intern and have taken to grumbling about the fact that i deserve more when i’m there. i just feel pretty sad that i felt so drawn to this part of the field and now i’m wishing for these two terms to fly by.