Depression forever?
Is there any way to know in early sobriety that you will find happiness again? I am terrified that maybe depression is my baseline and weed is the only way I can feel joy in things. Another part of me wonders if the weed is what caused this depression. And if that’s the case, it can be reversed, right?
I know with my heavy prolonged use, I’m in for a rough ride. I made it 3 months sober last winter but still felt depressed and grey and joyless, that was enough to convince me to go back. Later I read that some heavy users have messed up their dopamine system so badly that it takes 6-15 months to start feeling better. That’s a long time for an addict with poor impulse control to keep it together.
Maybe I need to surrender to the depression and learn to accept it. Is being depressed better than struggling with the roller coaster of addiction? I don’t think I can honestly say that’s the case.
I just feel lost and every time I get sober I feel like I’m constantly fighting my mind. I have an extremely long list of why I need to quit and almost an equally long list of why I need weed. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.
Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wanted to get my feelings out on the page so to speak. I will keep trying despite things feeling bleak.