I’m (33F) scared that my marriage with my husband (33M) is not going to be okay - lack of sex and he is not opening up. Advice please?
Sex has always been a bit of a tough one for my husband and I. He is my best friend and our relationship is full and love but I often find myself spinning about why we don’t have more sex or why it feels like it’s never more of a priority.
We usually have sex on the weekends. During the work week we both get up early, get home late for work and then are either making dinner or going to the gym or running some errand and suddenly it’s 10pm and we are too tired.
It seems to bother me more than it bothers him. I find typically when we are on vacation it’s much better but I wish we could find more spontaneity during the week and not feel like conditions need to be perfect to have sex. Generally he is very physically affectionate and touches me sexually a lot but the actual sex act itself is hard to get to for whatever reason.
Yes, I’ve talked about it with him and it has gotten better for sure and there are many good improvements but I still feel like it’s me mostly focusing on whether we aren’t or are having sex and whether it’s enough. And obsessing over this idea of what is “normal” even though I know normal is subjective and varies from couple to couple. I feel like I initiate 8/10 times and he is less likely to ask for
It or suggest it, although it does happen.
This morning it was on my mind. We hadn’t had sex since last Saturday. We had a bit of teasing this morning and then I asked to do it and he said in a bit. Then he needed to shower. Then he needed to make a snack. Then suddenly he was changed and said he was heading out to run errands and wondered whether I wanted to come with him or not.
My first instinct was to completely shut down but I was firm and calmly explained that I was feeling disappointed because I told him I wanted to have sex and now it felt like he was avoiding it. He said we could do it later but I had to walked away as I started to feel emotional and he turned around and left. I don’t know when he will be back and when I will hear from him.
So like… we have some big things to talk about and I’m scared as all hell because I cannot get this man to open up. Help me 😩