Should I stay and fix things or leave?
EDIT—why is everyone being so mean already?! I don’t ask for advice in person bc I have literally no one to go to. So I come here. I was scared to even come here bc you guys are so ruthless but please like I said just be nice. If you’re here to call me names or point out the obvious, just keep scrolling. Please. I need kindness and that’s why I’m here for. Not you guys calling my names, that’s not advice.
I’m going to keep this short, because I want you guys to help me. Hi yall. I’m 24F. I’ve been debating on posting this for a year, but I’m to the point I could really use some women advice. Motherly advice, or someone who has been in similar situations. Also, advice from men is appreciated as well since you guys have more insight to yalls behavior.
Backstory/short context:::
I started dating this guy in 2024, and I was 22. I was way more successful than he was, and he would just sit at home and play video games all day. I eventually made him get a job, and he’s had the same one since.(he was pissed that I made him get a job, too. I almost broke up with him over it) Yes he’s gotten promotions but it’s back breaking work for $20 an hour. I have always been the breadwinner, as I was making $80k salary. We eventually moved in together Oct 2025, and I bought everything. Every single item in the house, and we had to start from scratch. Not to mention, I was the one that paid for all of the UHauls AND HVAC for the house. Those are not cheap, so it wasn’t just furniture, blinds, beds. Anyway, Jan 2025 I had some health issues come up, and I was forced to quit my job due to not being able to work.
Now, the story begins. Please give me insight.
When I had to quit my job, I was relying on his support.
He is a very hard worker and he will not miss work for anything. I love that about him, and his job is not easy. It doesn’t support me at all, and I’ve had to sell my car and everything because I couldn’t afford the payments anymore. I was starving all the time, I lost so much weight. We didn’t even have money for food. Every single day I was finding a way for us to eat, and he just went to work. That’s all he does for us, is go earn the money really. & it’s only ever $500 a week. Which, after bills is basically NOTHING. I am not used to this whatsoever. We have discussed him getting a new job, and he swears he will. It’s been a year and a half, and he’s made no effort. He’s even had GREAT JOB offers, but he won’t do it. He will tell me to my face he’s interested, but never act on it. He will beg me not to leave and swear this time he’s really going to change, but he doesn’t.
I went from 150lbs to 108 since being with him. I’m skinny I can see my bones. 5’4 for reference.
So obviously I had to force myself to go to work. I tried a few jobs, but I was so sick I couldn’t do it. I would wake up every morning, throw up for 10 minutes and then cry in pain as I forced myself to go to work. He would be getting ready for work, along side of me just witnessing this happen. Sometimes he would come in and hold my hair, but it was so routine that eventually he didn’t even bat an eye that I was throwing up. I mean, it was the NORMAL. Every day, like clock work. I think that also came from stress, high cortisol.
I couldn’t believe he would let me work like that, instead of finding a more supportive job. We argued over it a lot, and now I don’t work anymore. But here’s the issue. Remember when I said I had to sell my car? Well, he hasn’t been paying his bills. I don’t know why, I wasn’t even aware. His car payment is 2 months past, and I just got $500 for my birthday money from my grandparents. I’m using that $500 today to pay HIS car payment. (Never ONCE has he paid a single bill of mine. In HISTORY)
The only reason I’m paying it is because we cannot be car less. I can barely survive as is now. My brother, who moved to California a few years ago comes to visit yearly. This past November, he said I was the most emotionally drained version of myself he had ever met. (We both have CPTSD from our childhood, so that says a lot) Everyone who sees me, is worried about me. Idk what to do. I love him, I think. I want to be with him because all in all he’s a great guy and he treats me amazing. (I’ve been with shitty guys). His only flaw is not being able to take care of me, which honestly is a deal breaker for me. Unfortunately. Because he’s perfect in absolutely every other aspect.
I mean, I can’t stay with him right? I’ve gone so downhill since meeting him, I don’t even recognize myself really. The only bonus is I think I have gotten prettier haha but I miss having my “woman” body. Need to start eating more again but it’s so hard because my body has gotten so use to this. Sucks to say lol.
Also, just for the cherry on top. His last 2 birthdays I’ve gotten him huge gifts. I bought him a $1000 dream dog, vet visit and all the supplies PLUS a beach trip. Second year I bought him a round of golf at an expensive club, two day beach vacay and $300 gift card to Academy sports. Do you want to know what I’ve gotten for MY two birthdays?? (Oh, and our birthdays are only 18 days apart.)
The first year, I got to go to Tjmaxx and pick out a DOG TOY FOR MY DOG. Yay, so thankful!
The next year, I let him know weeks in advance I wanted to feel special this year unlike last. I woke up and asked what the plans were, and he said “idk what do you wanna do?” And I asked what my gift was and he said “oh shit. What do you want?” And ordered me a $50 bracelet on sale from Coach. Right in front of me.
What THE FUCK am I doing wrong?
Also, I constantly get compared to Megan Fox & he gets so mad. Especially when it’s in person & he gets compared to Morgan wallen a lot it’s insane how often, but yet I don’t think I’d have this happening if I actually WAS megan fox lol. Do u know what I mean? Like, I feel like he would better himself for a chance w her lol. Why not me? Whatever
I hope this finds nice people on here, who can help me without judgement. I don’t have parents to ask or have support, so I’m hoping the parents of reddit come to my comment section 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽