Constantly in disbelief that my partner finds me attractive
I (26F) have been dating my partner (30F) for about 6 months and I could not be happier in many ways.
We met on a dating app - the height of romance, I know - and I feel like we connected pretty instantly. We have so much fun together, she shows me love in all the ways I feel I need it and we have a good intimate life. But in the back of my mind I literally cannot shake the sense of disbelief that she actually finds me attractive, and is not dating me DESPITE my weight.
She is straight-sized and very beautiful. I am a lot bigger and I would say less conventionally attractive in a lot of ways. She says she loves my body but we have never spoken in specific terms about weight, or whether my size is attractive to her. I have also heard her complaining several times about looking “big” or “chubby” in pictures - I of course always reassure her that she doesn’t, but it makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes because…I’m a lot bigger than she is.
As far as I’m aware, her exes have been a lot slimmer than me. It’s something I’m trying not to think about too much but which keeps eating away at me as well. Like, why me? Why has she chosen me now?
I have intense feelings of anxiety around the thought of meeting her friends and family. I worry they will think I’m not good enough for her, that she’s out of my league, that I’m big and lazy and all the fatphobic stuff I’ve grown up hearing my whole life. And I’m scared to spend our first summer together - what if people look at us in public when we’re wearing fewer clothes and judge?
I don’t know how to overcome these feelings and would love some advice from people who have been in a similar situation or see where I’m coming from. I want this relationship to work and I enjoy being with this woman so much, but I’m letting my negativity and anxiety around my weight cloud so many of the good times. TIA x