Still grieving..it’s been two years
Long post: I (28F) had a bestfriend (also 28F) since kindergarten, over 20 years of friendship. We went through all the worst and all the best together during these years. I’ll preface this by saying in high school, we had about a year where we didn’t speak or hangout too much as I dropped out due to some serious family issues and an abusive ex. Then we had a small absence when I was in my early 20’s with another abusive ex (I know. The pattern has been broken now, thankfully).
We spent SO much time together. Traveled, shared families and homes basically, hung out every single day. Texted so often. I was also this close with her younger sister (25F) for the same amount of time.
Come May of 2024, I met a man while on vacation with her in PR, over the next few months we all hung out together, had a great time, partied, etc. She loved him for me. Fast forward to the end of December 2024, I was planning to move out of my dad’s house into my own apartment. When I moved, I was seriously depressed. I moved into an apartment that had a bug infestation, I was dealing with my anxiety ridden dog who I couldn’t leave home alone, starting my last semester of college and juggling a job all at the same time. I told my friends I’d be a bit quiet for a couple weeks as I got my shit together. They offered to help how they could, but I just thanked them and didn’t take them up on it since I didn’t see an area where they could have helped.
New years comes around (2 days after I moved) and I let them know I was going to skip a party at our other friends house because I was just overwhelmed and couldn’t leave the dog home. My boyfriend came over to stay home with me. January 7th, they stopped by my apartment where I cried in their arms because I was just sad. January 9th was my friends birthday, I didn’t go on her birthday trip which I told them well in advance. But said the usual happy birthdays to her, etc and said we should grab dinner soon to celebrate.
After that…radio silence for 3 weeks. On both ends. I didn’t hear from them, and they didn’t hear from me. They were also moving out of their childhood home so I figured everyone was just seriously busy. I didn’t think anything of it.
Come February, my boyfriend offered to take me on a get away trip just to ease my mind and celebrate Valentine’s Day early. We went. A day or two into this trip, I notice one of them deleted me off all social media. The other removed me from a friend group chat. I waited a couple of days, then texted and asked what happened. I got a very vague answer of “I feel like this friendship is always on your terms and I’m kinda just over it” explanation. I defended myself but also apologized as I didn’t realize these feelings were even a thing and felt blindsided. This girl then proceeded to turn the rest of our friend group against me, many of them individually claimed they had no idea what happened but that the two girls didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.
This was two years ago. I still think about them, dream about them, literally yearn to make amends and figure out what happened to cut off 20 years of friendship. I feel like I never got a solid explanation. I did SO much for them, I was there at every beck and call. Drove, provided financial help, fully funded trips, dinners, etc. I feel like as soon as I couldn’t do that anymore, even just for 3 weeks, they discarded me. I’m not sure if they thought it was due to my boyfriend. If the trip I went on was a final straw of some sort, or wtf happened. It’s like I never existed to them. And I wonder if they ever think about our lifelong friendship and miss it.
Sorry this is so long, this is the only place I’ve ever told the entire story to. I’m married now to that same boyfriend, and moved states a couple of months ago. But through all of the life change, I still wish they were there or there could be some sort of amends. Never sure how to approach it or if I even should since they both can be abrasive. Just always sad about it and always thinking about it. I feel wronged, but still feel like I must of somehow did them wrong?
Anyways - if you got this far, thanks for reading. 🩷
EDIT: forgot to add - on the January 9th birthday trip, an ex reached out to me saying one of them scammed him for money, claiming to be me, lost and stranded in FL with no money or phone and needed him to Venmo one of them money on my behalf. Just so strange.