u/lum_kicker

How did any of you start to find Jesus? I want to hear your stories.

For me it happened when I was about 8, and my brother wanted to go to church, since most teens find christ at that age. When I go, I don't like it at all. Staying still, praying, and I didn't like the country style music. 3 years later when I had a better comprehension of the world and life in and of itself, I read into it and started to follow. But I would always leave him after a week because I just didn't have the willpower, until one day when I was doing nasty things and I got such a HORRIBLE headache. I mean it was hurting so damn bad at night, and I go to my couch and sit there and I just pray to God in sorry after realizing. My mom came out and I wasn't hurt, but that feeling of god being there led me to him

I have been relapsing on my life, and remembering what things I have done in secret about others. Primarily lust. I have gone farther away from my wicked ways, but I know it will be said to these people on judgement day and I just want to know what I should even do.

I know how evil, rotten hearted I was during this time thinking about my own friends like that. I have never been more scared in my life than these last few days realizing how evil I used to be and how I should say it to others.

If I keep hiding this, it will just be worse. And if I don't, I lose everything, my family probably I really don't know, friends. I don't want this to be shown but I know it will be shown. All I will do currently is just pray to God to forgive me, and pray that these people will someday figure out without my control. All I can do.

Lord forgive my evil lustful mind. Every little bit of it. Spite it into the ground. Help me lord. Help.

I have had trouble actually believing in God. Like I can repeat it in my head or think about it for nights, but if I keep trying I get nowhere. Sure some days I'm happy and Skippy but if I actually start to think about it I'm more a shell, I don't do much for God or even have that many emotions for him. I'm not trying to be rude in this passage I want this to be clear.

I overthink wether I'll end up in hell or heaven. Obviously it isn't the goal but it's so hard to believe without that goal. I have heart for people but with God I just lose all hope of that so called "heart" and now I feel like I'm the most useless person ever who can't love, or it's just fake because of my circumstances.

I will lay in bed, days where I will just say why can I not believe, or why is my heart so little for God but for others it's larger, how useless can my heart truly be. I never know if I should head to bed or keep thinking of my heart.

Again in this post I am not trying to spite God or others who follow him. I'm simply trying to be as honest as I can about how little I feel for God somehow even with a basic heart. If I am missing something about this just please tell me

Does anybody have some tips on how to help love Jesus? Because I can worship in prayer or at church but it feels in some way, bland. Not as if it was useless but just how it doesn't feel like that genuine to me. I just need help on this since I have wanted to come back to god and try to be genuine, and make myself actually abide in him