My partner’s mother has Alzheimer and we are being blamed for being degenerate childfree gays to the point they don’t want to attend our wedding and my partner want’s to delay us getting married
My partner’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer and she’s rapidly declining and it is sad because she used to be witty, sharp and a fun old lady, also she’s not even 70. The problem is my FIL is in complete denial, we had like an awkward visit because he’s asking her to do things around the house with him and she can’t. She reached a point where she has to wear adult diapers and the entire house smells of pee because FIL is in denial about that too. The house is a mess.
I’m trying to be supportive because I feel for my partner. We hired someone to clean the house but my FIL stopped letting them in, they won’t come anymore. At the moment we visit weekly to clean and help out and help with groceries. Then he comes in additionally throughout the week and I come in one day a week on my own with cooked food and to try and throw out any old food because they often have mouldy food.
My partner’s mother has a sister who is older and she has multiple kids and multiple and grandkids and babysits for all her grandkids, she’s very sharp and from her behaviour you’d be shocked to know she’s 70. My partner was trying to have a serious conversation with my FIL about the support they need and how it is all becoming too much for everyone involved and he’s saying it’s his (my partner’s) fault for not being married with kids. We are engaged and getting married and my partner is having a lot of regret about not getting married sooner before his mom’s health declining. His dad said he wants nothing to do with it and it’s unfortunate because they are old people who are struggling and a lot of what he is saying is coming from him being upset about what’s happening.
I don’t know what to do, don’t think I explained myself well here either but a tl;dr version is my partner is depressed because of everything going on and is putting our relationship on hold (I know it’s not the most important thing right now) but given her rapid decline I think we should get married sooner than later.
Also I can’t say this to him because he’s suffering more than I do but all of this is draining. I feel for them and I am helping out for my partner’s sake I like his parents but coming every week being shouted because I am trying to throw away mouldy bread or I’m helping them clean or bring actual cooked food is draining. This will only get worse, I don’t know what to do.