I’m lost and scared, seeking answers from people who have experienced similar things as me.
To start this off I want to make a couple things clear.
I don’t know if anyone will find this, or even read it all. I’m begging anyone who sees this to please read, I know it’s a lot but I am genuinely so confused, lost and scared.
One- I do not fully trust my current psychiatrist, she does not seem like she genuinely cares whatsoever. I haven’t had any problems until this specific psychiatrist and I’m not a confrontational person unfortunately so I haven’t yet said anything or tried to get a new one.
Two- Schizophrenia runs in my family, on my dad’s side. My dad’s mom, and his brother (my uncle) both have schizophrenia. I watched my uncle lose himself to this disease when I was around 5-6 years old.
Three- I have met with 4 different psychiatrists at the place I go to now, the 4th one being the one I do not fully trust/believe in. The first 3 psychiatrists, and everyone in the ER, thought that I had schizophrenia.
The psychiatrist I have now, flat out said “I do not think you have schizophrenia” the first time we met, after talking to me for 5 minutes.
This bothers me deeply, because it runs in my family and the experiences I’ve had that led me and my loved ones to believe I have schizophrenia. It’s very coincidental to me that I have experienced all the symptoms of schizophrenia, and it running my family, just to be told “I don’t have it”.
They started me on Abilify 5mg at first, it worked okay the first 2 weeks or so, and then it stopped working. I wasn’t able to sleep after a week or two of taking Abilify, I went 4 days straight with little to no sleep. So I was practically right back where I started when I checked myself into the emergency room. Hallucinating everyday, not sleeping, not eating, etc.
I went back to the psychiatrist and they told me to stop taking Abilify, they put me on one 50mg Seroquel every night for bed. I have been on Seroquel for about two months now.
I sleep much better now, but they only prescribed the Seroquel 50mg so I could sleep. So why haven’t they prescribed me something for my schizophrenic symptoms? The Seroquel feels like it’s getting weaker, I assume because I’m building a tolerance.
I still hallucinate, but nowhere near as much as I was. Sometimes I hear voices, or see things, but it’s much more manageable now than it was before I was taking any medication. The paranoia is still very strong though, especially at night. I have stopped leaving my room at night for a snack or the bathroom because the paranoia feels so real and debilitating. I get the feeling that I’m being watched, constantly turning around thinking someone or something is behind me, I hold my bladder until the morning because i’m genuinely terrified of the dark, I can’t look at my tv unless it’s turned on because I’m scared of seeing a demon or something in the reflection of a blank tv, etc.