Getting my thoughts in order about hrt and social transition, looking for advice/validation if anything
Hey all, for some background I (almost 22"M") have been having mixed feelings for a while and have settled on likely being some flavor of nonbinary (most likely agender). I've known for years I wasn't cis, but had--what I thought at the time was--very minor dysphoria except for facial hair which went away as long as I shaved, and a general ew feeling around traditional gender roles. I never told anybody I was nonbinary because I always thought I'd be ok "playing the part" of a cis guy.
I'd been flip flopping on the idea of hrt for a few years at this point, but only seriously considering it recently. I noticed as I'm entering my 20s that my beard is finally getting to the point I have a visible shadow after shaving and unfortunately I'm having early stages of a receding hairline. It's made me come to the conclusion that *I don't want to age as a guy.*
After that, things clicked and I'm like 90% sure I want to start taking hrt to have a more androgynous body and not keep aging as a man. I'm interested in the physical effects of hrt, and even just thinking about it has helped mentally. Thinking of being on hrt has made start eating less and exercising to lose weight. I've been fat since I was in my teens and never had motivation to lose weight because I felt disconnected from my body. Now that I see a future where I'm happy with my body I'm finally getting the motivation to lose weight.
That said, by far the most intimidating part though is social transition/being visibly queer. I'm ace but that doesn't really affect my life aside from not having a partner and have been cis presenting my whole life. I thought I was out and being LGBT didn't affect me, but man is it intimidating being out when it'd affect my physical appearance.
I live with my Mom and am currently dependent on her (only working part time--other mental health reasons). Because of financial reasons and the fact She's a very observant and detail-oriented person, she'd definitely notice me getting Rx's or transitioning. She's wonderful and we have a very close relationship, but had me quite late as an older parent. She's very supportive of gay rights but trans rights are a much more recent movement to her, and I think she doesn't "get" being trans the same way she "gets" being gay.
I've tried to slowly bring up trans issues in conversations to gauge her thoughts. She seemed somewhat critical of trans people while I was growing up from the anti-trans sentiment of the 2010s, but has been getting better as she's met trans people through her work, seen more trans rep in media, etc. and seen that they're just normal people. I think she'd be supportive of me, especially since I'm still planning on being cis-presenting for a while and she'd have time to adjust, but it's still a really intimidating conversation to have. I had a really easy coming out as bi (before I realized I was ace) and I'm finally realizing how scary it can be.
Sorry for the rambly post. I originally started it as a "how did you know hrt was for you" post, but as I was writing it I realized I already knew what I wanted and am more just intimidated by the process of transitioning and coming out to my family. If anyone wants to share their experiences I'd really appreciate it, just trying to work up the courage to start hrt and by extension out myself to family/close friends.