I don't even know if I loved her, but my heart still broke
23F and 24M.
We met during bank coaching. She was the outgoing type and I was the introverted one. She actually talked to me first because initially I barely spoke to anyone. Slowly we became close. Late-night chats, calls, inside jokes, talking about films, books, random gossip, relationships... basically everything. At that time, she was only person I could open up to and it was the same for her.
She had just come out of a bad breakup and according to her, her ex manipulated her into a physical relationship. She was in a really bad place mentally. I was there for her through all of it. I listened to her cry on calls, motivated her to keep studying, tried to make her feel better.
I cracked the bank exam on my first attempt and moved to another city. My work is very hectic, around 10 to almost 8 every day, but I still made time for her because talking to her felt like relief after exhausting days.
She couldn't crack the exams, but later her uncle referred her for a private company job in an IT park. I was genuinely happy for her. In the beginning she told me everything — about work, her day, new experiences. I was excited because I had seen her at her lowest.
Then slowly things changed.
Replies got slower. She stopped initiating conversations. I felt like I was slowly fading from her life. She would tell me about her new friends there, guys hitting on her and all that. I acted cool, but truthfully I was lowkey jealous. Even the pictures she posted or sent me sometimes made me feel weirdly unwanted and I didn't understand why.
Last week she told me she's dating someone she met there.
And my heart just sank.
The weird thing is I don't even know if I was in love with her. I never confessed anything. I never even properly thought about it. But I got attached. I think somewhere I believed what we had meant something bigger.
Now I just feel stupid because maybe I was living in a story inside my own head while she was just living her life.
Just wanted to rant.